Thomas Becket and Deflategate

Everyone is asking me what I think about Deflategate.

Well, my wife asked me, so that’s a start.  Anyway, my theory is that Brady is King Henry, uttering “Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?” in frustration at the actions of the Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Becket.  In NFL-speak, this comes out as: “I sure like my balls underinflated.”

And the ballboys interpreted this innocent remark as a royal command: Tom likes his balls underinflated.  We must make it so. So one of them takes the balls into the men’s room at Canterbury Cathedral and . . . well, you get the picture.

In this scenario, Brady is, of course, totally blameless.  When he finds out what has happened — when he sees the infamously false Chris Mortensen tweet — he is outraged.  They have gone too far!  But what can he do?  He is too noble to turn on his loyal retainers.  So he maintains his silence as to their deed, and correctly asserts his innocence when brought to trial.  Perhaps he gives the retainers some Uggs as a reward for their service.  What a guy!

Really, he’s the one who should become a saint, not Thomas Becket.

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