Writing as an act of faith

My friend Jeff Carver has a nice post up about writing as an act of faith, and how that faith was unexpectedly rewarded for him the other night.

As he says, writing is an act of faith almost by definition.  Maybe hubris is a better word — you have to think: I have the talent and the resolve to bleed out 70,00 words that will entertain and maybe also uplift and inspire a host of unknown readers.  (Actually, for Jeff it’s more like 200,000 words.)  And, of course, you have to be prepared for your faith to be shaken when you read your first draft.

I have one quibble with his post.  He is working on his second draft in front of a roaring fire at a secluded B&B on Cape Cod.  Frankly, anyone can write a frickin’ novel sitting in front of a roaring fire at a secluded B&B on Cape Cod.  Real authors write their novels while police are shooting at bank robbers outside their windows.  Let’s see him try that!

Did I write that paragraph? Really?

I read my first drafts so you don’t have to.  Those paragraphs I wrote last year seemed like a good idea at the time.  But now that I’m starting in on my second draft and have a much clearer sense of the characters and the story, much of what I had to say then seems at best unfocused and sometimes, well, just plain bad.

But not to worry!  It’s getting better day by day.  And before you know it, it’ll be perfect!

Second draft

I’ve started work on the second draft of my novel.

For me, the second draft is always more fun than the first draft — mainly because it goes much faster, since  I have a better idea of where I’m heading, and I know where the bumpy parts are.

The goal is to finish it in three months.  I’m pretty sure I’m already behind schedule.

“The Portal” is now $1.99 at Barnes & Noble!

Marked down from $4.99 — such a deal!  Amazon will be forced to follow suit when it sees the hordes of ebook buyers deserting it when they hear about the new price.

This gives me an excuse to reprint the very kind review by JF Owen, a loyal reader of this little blog:

It’s been quite a while since I read any young adult science fiction or fantasy. After reading “The Portal”, I think I’ve been missing out on some enjoyable reading. Richard Bowker has crafted an entertaining and captivating story about the adventures of two young boys from New England who travel to an alternate universe where some of the folks and surroundings are familiar but the times and events are totally different…and dangerous. Larry and Kevin, the two main characters, are faced with a complicated array of challenges as they struggle to find their way home.

The story itself is exceptionally well done, but for me the best part of the book was how believable Larry’s and Kevin’s characters are. Based on the finely detailed descriptions he weaves into the young boys’ thoughts and actions, I suspect that Mr. Bowker either has a son near that age or he’s one of those rare people who never truly forget what it’s like to be young.

“The Portal” was a marvelous read that’s suitable for readers of all ages. It took me back in time and reminded me why I fell in love with science fiction all those decades ago. In just a few more years, when my grandson is old enough, I’ll make a point to introduce him to Kevin, Larry and their adventures. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. After that, I think I’m going out back to see if I can find a secret portal.

Here’s the cover, in case you’ve forgotten:

9781614174639

The Hemingway app judges Fitzgerald, Faulkner, and me

Here’s a web site called Hemingway that judges prose according to these standards:

  • Short sentences
  • No passive voice
  • No adverbs (it tells you to aim for “0 or fewer”, which suggests that it wants you to be better than perfect–damn computers!)
  • Short words (for example, use “use” instead of “utilize”)

Paste in your prose, and it highlights your mistakes and gives you a grade level for readability.

Fair enough.  So what does it think of, say, the ending of The Great Gatsby:

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And then one fine morning—
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

It likes this excerpt.  Fitzgerald gets a Grade 8 for readability, which Hemingway deems Good, and the only thing it complains about is the adverb ceaselessly.  I’m troubled, though, that it didn’t flag the word orgastic.  What kind of weird word is that?  (Borne also looks to me like it’s passive, but that’s probably a tough one to notice.)

How about Faulkner, from The Sound and the Fury:

When the shadow of the sash appeared on the curtains it was between seven and eight o’ clock and then I was in time again, hearing the watch. It was Grandfather’s and when Father gave it to me he said I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire; it’s rather excruciatingly apt that you will use it to gain the reducto absurdum of all human experience which can fit your individual needs no better than it fitted his or his father’s. I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all your breath trying to conquer it. Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools.

This gets a Grade 11 in readability, which Hemingway thinks is just OK.  One adverb (excruciatingly), no passive voice, but Hemingway marks those two interior sentences for shortening.

So with some trepidation I handed Hemingway the first paragraph of the novel I’ve been working on:

I got off my bike and stared at the guy in the brown robe.  The guy in the brown robe stared back at me.  He was sitting at the front of a cart piled high with apples, pumpkins, squash, and other fall produce; half a dozen dead turkeys hung  from hooks at the back of the cart.  I figured he was about seven feet tall, although that was probably an exaggeration.  But definitely big, and definitely scary, with small black eyes, long stringy hair, and a scraggly beard that was interrupted by a deep scar on his left cheek.

Hemingway gives this a Grade 9 in readability, which merits a Good.  Yay! However, it considers two of my sentences to be too long.  Plus, it flags two adverbs–probably and scraggly.  But hey, scraggly is an adjective–I demand a recount!  (Although maybe I shouldn’t–a recount might notice the two uses of definitely, which are definitely adverbs.) Finally, I get dinged for the passive voice in the phrase “was interrupted by”.

Will I change anything in that paragraph, in response to Hemingway’s criticisms?  Nah.  And if I were Fitzgerald or Faulkner, I wouldn’t change anything either.  Except maybe orgastic  and reducto absurdum.  They can do better than that.

The Distance Beacons: The president urges New England not to secede

In honor of Presidents Day:  From The Distance Beacons, here is President Ann Kramer making a speech in Boston’s Government Center, trying to convince New Englanders to pass a referendum to stay part of America, twenty or so years after a nuclear war has wreaked havoc on the nation.  Our hero Walter Sands, who has already met the president, looks on.

Complications, of course, ensue.

**********************

In a few minutes I saw flashing blue lights in the distance, and then the president and her entourage came into sight—jeeps and shiny cars and motorcycles, with the president waving from the back seat of a convertible. The motorcade circled around the edge of the plaza, coming within ten feet of me. The president brightened when she saw the familiar face and gave me a special wave. I didn’t wave back.

“Did you see the bracelets on her?” a kerchiefed woman standing next to me on the bench said to her friend. “I wonder how much she gets paid.”

“Too much,” her friend replied.

The motorcade pulled up behind the platform, and the martial music stopped. President Kramer appeared on the platform, along with Bolton and Cowens and a bunch of officials. More waving, and then Bolton approached the microphone and spoke. “My fellow citizens, it has been a long time since we in New England have been honored as we are today, by the presence of the chief executive of our great nation. Far too long. This is a day that will live in our memories. It is a turning point in our history….” And so on.

“I’ve never trusted that one,” the kerchiefed woman said.

“I’ve never trusted any of them,” her friend replied.

Bolton’s introductory remarks were, as usual, irreproachable yet unconvincing. The crowd responded in kind, with tepid applause at all the right points, but without ever showing any real excitement. Finally he finished, and the moment had arrived. President Kramer stepped up to the microphone; the applause was somewhat more enthusiastic now.

“She is pretty, though, you’ve got to give her that.”

“We could be pretty, if we had her money.”

“Do you think she dyes her hair?”DiSTANCE-BEACONS-COVER.final.L3

“The hair’s phony. The tan’s phony. It’s all phony, every piece of her. A phony president and a phony election.”

She’s not going to win, I thought suddenly.  She can’t convince me, and she can’t convince Charlie DePaso or Jesus Christ or these women. It’s over.

“Thank you, Governor Bolton, for those kind words,” the president said. “My friends, I am here today to ask you to support the government of the United States of America in the referendum next week. I recognize that you may not find this support easy to give. I understand the issues you have with the American government. But I’m asking you to have faith. Faith in the government. Faith in the future. And faith in me. Of course, it’s difficult for you to have such faith unless you know me. So let me first take a few minutes to tell you about myself….”

And she launched into the story of her life, with which I was already familiar. Much of what she said after that was familiar as well. Oh, she changed an emphasis here and there, and sometimes she anticipated objections I had made. But basically she was repeating her performance of the night before.

But if I had been the test case, the dress rehearsal, why did she think this approach would succeed? If she couldn’t manage to convince me, how was she going to convince Charlie DePaso and the two women next to me? She couldn’t exactly go around massaging everyone’s neck and shoulders. And we weren’t in a beautiful pre-War apartment, listening to music and sipping wine. We were huddled under leaden skies, cold and suspicious. What did we care about her experiences in Atlanta? What did Lincoln matter to us? Could we see the world that President Kramer saw? Not today, I’m afraid.

But then she went further. This was the part that I hadn’t wanted to stay and hear in her apartment, too afraid that I would succumb to her the way Marva had succumbed to Flynn Dobler. “All of this is nothing but words, I admit,” the president said. “Perhaps some of you have heard too many words over the years, and seen too little improvement in your lives. Perhaps some of you think the referendum is pointless, because it won’t put more food on your table or give you better health care. Well, let me tell you here that I am prepared to stake the future of the Federal presence in New England on the results of the referendum.

“If you give us your support, we will immediately take steps to institute direct election of all local officials, up to and including governor, by vote of the entire adult population, not just taxpayers. Individual state legislatures will be re-established, and New England will return to being six separate states once again. As they did before the War, the new state governments will control policies and laws within their borders, and the Federal government will handle interstate issues. Federal troops will stay in the states at least until the elections are over; after that, the new governments will decide individually what role, if any, they want these troops to play within their states.

“Now I must be honest and tell you that not everything will change. Conscription will continue, as will Federal taxation and restrictions on interstate travel—we can’t allow unlimited exit visas to the South. But what we are proposing is, I believe, a major step toward giving the brave people of New England what they need and deserve: a chance to determine their own future within the framework of a system that will preserve and extend our great American ideals.”

The president paused, and people applauded—rather warmly, I think. “That seems like a good idea,” the woman next to me said.

“I’ll believe it when it happens,” her friend replied.

“What if you lose?” someone shouted.

The president waited for silence. “If we lose,” she said softly, “we leave. It’s as simple as that. The reduction of the Federal presence will be gradual, in an attempt to prevent chaos, but within two years we will be gone. We hope the two-year time period will be sufficient to allow some sort of peaceful evolution of new political entities to take place—and we will do our best to help that process—but ultimately you will be on your own—your own borders, your own soldiers, your own laws. New England will no longer be part of the United States of America.”

There was no applause at this, only a kind of buzzing silence as people tried to come to terms with this new prospect. No one had believed that anything would change if the referendum lost; the Feds would just continue with business as usual. But on the other hand…

“Why should we trust you?” someone else shouted.

“We recognize that the results of the referendum will only be valid if people think they are valid,” the president said. “Therefore we have asked well-known opposition groups to join with us in supervising the balloting. We renew that request today. Now if, under those circumstances, the government—win or lose—subsequently reneges on any of the commitments I have made here today, do any of you seriously believe that we could continue to govern? Any credibility we have with you, any respect we have from you, would be gone, and this whole effort would have been worse than useless. No, this is for real, my friends. You have your future in your hands, and I pray that you make the right decision.

“The right decision, of course, is to vote yes—vote to support the government—vote to stay part of the United States. Such a vote entails responsibilities, but with those responsibilities comes the possibility of renewed greatness. You will remain a vital part of the adventure that is America, and you will help our nation take its place once more at the forefront of human progress. And perhaps a hundred years from now people will look back on this day, and say that it was then that the tide turned, it was then that the long darkness ended, and the new day began to dawn.”

The president stopped speaking. The applause that followed seemed genuine, but it also seemed tentative, and a bit confused. She had offered people what they had always said they wanted: freedom from the Feds. But did they really want that freedom if the Feds were also offering to give them a say in the way they were governed? After all, that was something else they were always complaining about. They couldn’t have it both ways.

All of a sudden the referendum was no longer a joke.

The president waved and shook hands with the people on the platform and waved some more. The music began again. And before long the applause faded. People were going to have to go home and do some thinking.

The president came down off the platform and started shaking hands with the dignitaries in the roped-off section. The crowd began to drift away. It started to rain.

And then the president walked past the dignitaries and the guards who protected them, into the milling crowd, reaching out physically to the people she had just tried to reach with words. I looked back to the platform. General Cowens was still there, staring at her with his arms folded. Major Fenneman stood next to him, gesticulating with his walkie-talkie. This, apparently, was what they had been unable to talk the president out of.

“Want to try and shake her hand?” the woman next to me asked her friend.

“What’s the point?”

“Well, she’s the president, after all.”

“So what? Come on. It’s raining.”

A lot of people seemed to feel the same way. There was no surge to greet her, no spontaneous outpouring of respect and affection. The weather was more important than Ann Kramer.

Still, there were hands to shake and an occasional baby to kiss, while her grim-faced bodyguards stood by and reporters struggled to record what was happening. I stayed where I was and watched her progress across the plaza. She was progressing, I noticed before long, toward me.

I got down from the bench. I saw Gwen among the reporters. I wondered if I should leave. It was raining, after all. President Kramer smiled at me. “Well, Walter, what do you think?” she called out as she approached.

“Great speech,” I said.

“Did I convert you?”

I shrugged. “You certainly gave me a choice to make.”

“But you haven’t made it yet?”

I shook my head. “Maybe I’m too—”

The gunfire interrupted my reply.

For a moment I didn’t understand. What was that noise? Why were people ducking and sprawling and screaming? I turned and saw a large green car come roaring out of the crescent of abandoned shops and offices beyond the plaza. Two masked men leaned out of the front and rear passenger-side windows. They were firing submachine gun rounds into the air. The car was heading right at us.

I reached for my gun. No gun.

I turned back to the president. Her bodyguards were pulling her down to the ground. She stared at the car as if she couldn’t believe it was real, as if this were just a nightmare that would soon pass. The gunfire stopped and I heard the squeal of brakes just behind me. I turned once again. The masked men were out of the car and coming toward me. It occurred to me that I was literally the only person standing between them and the president. Not a position I would have chosen, but here I was.

I tried to think of something to do. Nothing came to me. I wanted to fight, but fists can’t accomplish much against submachine guns.

So I stood where I was and wondered if I was going to die as I watched the men approach. I noticed their black masks, their shapeless tan jackets and dungarees. And—and—

I didn’t have time to finish my thought. One of the men pushed his machine gun into my midsection. I clutched my stomach and gasped for breath. Then the other man swung his weapon at my head, and all thinking ceased.

89,066 words, and done

With the first draft of my novel, anyway.  Well, that’s a relief.

The journey took a couple of unexpected detours, which means I ended up somewhere I hadn’t entirely anticipated.  Which means I now get to go back and start the journey all over again (and make it look like this was the journey I had in mind all along).

The draft ended up about 20 percent longer than I estimated, based on the lengths of the first two Walter Sands books.  Do I need to streamline the novel?  How am I going to do that?  I have all these notes about stuff I left out!

Maybe I’ll take a break and focus on women’s curling for a while.  Then on to the second draft . . .

When it comes to customer reviews, it’s quantity, not quality, that counts

My publisher asked an analytics firm to study their sales data and determine the key factor that determines sales.  Here’s what they came up with:

When all the basics are covered, the number one factor determining sales is, without question, the number of reviews (not stars, but reviews). The more reviews, the more sales. In other words, “people are interested in buying what other people are interested in reviewing”. This is the basic definition of Social Engagement.

(The basics include a commercially viable book, a good cover, wide distribution, and good sales copy.)

I find this a bit hard to believe in its starkest form — if a book has 800 reviews that all say it stinks, I’m not going to buy it, and I don’t think you would, either.  But it makes sense as a rule of thumb.  So please review my books!  It doesn’t take long!  On Barnes & Noble, you don’t even have to say anything!  If you hate one of my books, I promise to do better next time!

My publisher also suggests that authors leave polite comments in response to reviews.

By establishing your presence among reviewers you accomplish several things.

1.    Your presence will temper reviewer responses because readers see that you’re watching.

2.    Reviewers will be anxious to leave a favorable review because they want you to talk to them (and they’ll expect it too, so consistency is key).

3.    If you create a reputation for talking to readers, they will talk back to you and (mostly) say nice things.

Overall, this back-and-forth effort creates social engagement, which increases reviews, which creates curiosity, which leads to sales and more reviews, which leads to more social engagement, all of which can lead to even more sales.

I didn’t know you could do this!  I actually can’t figure out how to it works on Barnes & Noble, but it’s easy enough on Amazon.  So if you leave me a review on Amazon, I will actually talk to you!  And if that isn’t exciting, I don’t know what is.

Not all my Nook reviews are drivel

After this post, I thought I should mention that Nook readers generally have very nice things to say about Dover Beach.  Here’s the current “most helpful” review:

The most satisfying read in a long time. This was my first book by Mr. Bowker, but it won’t be my last. Unpretentious, well written fun. Effortlessly realized characters who inhabit an engaging, imaginative story. You don’t have to be a fan of the noir detective genre to enjoy this book, but for those who are, it will be a real treat.

So there.  That was a five-star review.  Here’s a nice four-star review:

A post-apocalyptic Boston and its first private eye? Sure, why not? Quite good character development and plot, great atmosphere. I dare to say it could move to the big screen very well. There was nice exposition of the “whats” of this future, but never explained much about the whys and hows of the apocalypse – just enough – I was satisfied. I would hardly call Dover Beach a science fiction novel, though. I could hardly put it down, and plan to buy more after this Free Friday treat. Enjoy!

Of course, ya gotta love reviewers who say they plan to buy more of your stuff.  That, of course, is the point of making a book free.  This seems to be working, at least on Barnes & Noble.  Dover Beach‘s sequel, The Distance Beacons, currently has a very nice sales rank of 819, which, oddly, is higher than Dover Beach‘s rank.  This is working out way better than on Amazon, where Dover Beach is still free, but The Distance Beacons has a rather dreary sales rank of 176,736.  Too bad.  But here’s a nice review of Dover Beach from an Amazon reader to compensate:

Richard Bowker presents an awesome look at the role of a P.I. in a post-apocalyptic world. My first reaction was what on Earth would the remains of society need a Private Investigator for—it’s unlikely a P.I. would be hired to checkout phony insurance claims when there ain’t no more insurance companies. Richard builds a compelling plot with polished nuances sparkling for the reader. The plight of the survivors in Boston is rather frightful. The contrast between the shattered United States and merry old England is striking. He provides a nicely developed depth to his cast of players, and with all things considered, their surroundings are believable. I liked how he addresses real world money issues and there isn’t a P.I. with a pocket full of cash—but a meal at a London McDonalds is affordable. Richard did a marvelous job of resolving all the dangling loose ends—including a few dangling parts the reader doesn’t suspect are dangling—so to speak.

I like the way he calls me “Richard.”  Like we’re friends.  And we are!

Pull on a thread, unravel a subplot

My writing group sits by the fire, drinking Whale’s Tail and eating cashews.  They have read my latest chapters, and it’s time to comment on them.  They like them!  That’s great, because the first draft is almost done and lots of stuff is starting to come together.

There’s just this one teensy tiny plot thread that doesn’t seem quite right.  Do I need to add a sentence?  Do I need to explain a motivation a little more?  Well, no, that doesn’t quite do it.  What if my hero does this?  What if the female character does that?  What if something happened in a previous chapter to set things up better?  Her husband — what if he does something?  But wait, we haven’t even met the husband!  And suddenly he’s the key to everything!  How did that happen?

By the time I finish my Whale’s Tail I have another whole subplot to write, and I am further away from finishing my novel than when I started drinking.  Time for another Whale’s Tail.

Thanks a lot, writing group!