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About Richard Bowker

Author of the Portal series, the Last P.I. series, and other novels

Hunger in my little town

Here is the food being organized for Christmas distribution from the Food Pantry in my little (and very affluent) town.

food pantry

These are just the perishables; canned foods and the like were organized in another part of my little church.  Lots of volunteers helped out, from five-year-olds to ninety-year-olds.

Even with the economy improving, many people need help just to stay afloat.

 

 

 

 

 

Portal, an online novel: Chapter 11

Kevin and Larry have moved into Professor Palmer’s house in Cambridge.  And now they are part of the war effort against the Canadians and the New Portuguese — if only they can come up with a way to help…

*******************

Chapter 11

Professor Palmer was pretty gruff, and he got angry with us a lot, especially in the first couple of days.  He expected us to do our share of chores, and we weren’t very good at them.  At home I’d  have to clean my room and wash the car and stuff like that, but I sure didn’t have to sweep up horse poop or empty chamber pots or feed garbage to pigs.  I mowed lawns at home, but with a power mower, not a scythe–I didn’t even know what a scythe was; Mom would have had a stroke if she’d seen me with one of them in my hands.

“Your utter incompetence is proof of something,” the professor said, shaking his head at us as Kevin and I tried to put a saddle onto Susie, his friendly old horse.

But we kind of got used to his style after a while.  He was never mean to us; he just hadn’t dealt much with kids, especially incompetent kids.  And we got better at our chores, at least some of them.

Life at the professor’s house was actually pretty pleasant, except for our homesickness, and the occasional distant sound of gunfire, which reminded us that before very long this was going to end and we’d have to move back into the crowded city for the final siege.  Some things took getting used to, though.

The smells, for one.  Not just the barnyard smells–the chickens and the pigs and Susie–and the smell of the privy behind the house.  But the people smells.  Taking a bath was a big deal in this world.  Washing clothes was also a big deal–and Kevin and I only had one set of clothes to wash.  So we all kind of stank, at least until I got used to it.

The isolation was another big difference.  We didn’t have a clue what was going on with the war, and there really wasn’t any way to find out, unless we rode into Boston.  Were the Canadians heading into Cambridge?  Was England going to save us?  Professor Palmer didn’t seem too bothered about the lack of news, but it really bugged Kevin and me.

Part of the isolation was the silence.  When the gunfire stopped, there wasn’t much sound at all–just birds twittering, the wind rustling leaves, hens clucking in the barnyard.  No traffic noise, no airplanes, not even the hum of a refrigerator.  It was kind of spooky.

And of course there wasn’t much to do.  We couldn’t talk to the professor or do chores all the time, so we had to entertain ourselves.  The professor had plenty of books, and we tried reading them.  We skipped the philosophy stuff, but some of the novels were okay, although they always had lots of words we didn’t understand and scenes that didn’t make any sense because we didn’t know enough about this world’s history or geography or whatever.  Kevin liked to play chess with the professor, who was delighted to have an opponent.

I actually ended up spending a lot of time playing the piano, which Professor Palmer also enjoyed.  His piano had a tinnier sound than I was used to, and not as many keys, but the basic instrument was the same.  The professor didn’t know any of the songs I knew, so it was cool when I came up with something that he liked.  One of his favorites was “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

He had some sheet music, and I managed to learn a few of the songs from his world, too.  There was one we all liked with a sad melody and strange words:

 

Wanly I wandered

Through the world far and wide

Seeking some solace

For dreams that had died

 

Long did I linger

In an alien land

Till tears finally left me

As I stood on the strand . . .

 

I played that song so often that it felt like it was part of my fingers.

Anyway, our job was to try to figure out how we could help New England win the war.  So we talked a lot about weapons.  They knew about rifles and gunpowder in this world, obviously, and they used cannons.  But they didn’t have anything more sophisticated than that.  We tried to think of stuff from our world they might be able to use–something short of nuclear bombs and that sort of thing.  I came up with hand grenades, and the professor made some notes as I described them.  Kevin remembered about landmines, although neither of us was exactly sure how they worked.  The professor winced and made a lot more notes.  It was obvious that he wasn’t enjoying this.  “Demanding that young boys think about such things,” he sighed.  “It is deeply depressing.”

Kevin and I didn’t really mind.  We didn’t want to make the professor feel bad, but this was kind of interesting.  “It’s all about winning the war,” Kevin pointed out.  “Like the lieutenant said.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” the professor said, shaking his head.  “At such a cost, though.”

Lieutenant Carmody showed up after a few days, on horseback instead of being driven by Peter.  “You boys are looking well,” he said when he saw us.  “And professor, how are you getting along with these lads?”

“They’re excellent company,” the professor replied.  “Our task, however, is not a pleasant one.”

“I’m not aware of anyone who thinks that war is pleasant,” the lieutenant said.  “But tell me what you’ve come up with.”

We sat by the barn as we had before, and Professor Palmer talked about landmines and such.  Lieutenant Carmody didn’t look especially impressed.  “These devices have been tried already,” he said.  “The French in particular have worked on them: fougasses, they’re called.  They’ve never been effective.  The problem is keeping the gunpowder dry–once it gets moist, the fougasse won’t explode.  How does your world deal with that problem?” he asked us.

We didn’t have a clue.  “I don’t think they’re even made from gunpowder anymore,” Kevin said.  “They probably have dynamite in them or something.”

“And what is ‘dynamite’?”

There was that question again.  Yet another word that was so familiar to us and totally strange to them.  But, as usual, the concept behind the word wasn’t quite familiar enough.  Neither of us could tell the lieutenant what exactly dynamite was.

“All right,” he said after we’d talked about weapons for a while longer.  “I need more, I’m afraid.  Professor, perhaps you’ve been focusing too much on the obvious.  Let’s try again.  But time runs short.  The Portuguese have reached the fortifications south of the city, and for all intents and purposes the siege has begun.”

“How much longer do we have, William?” the professor asked.

“I don’t know.  I’ll return in a few days, and we’ll discuss the situation then.  Keep working.”

Professor Palmer didn’t look happy after the lieutenant had left.  “William’s right, of course,” he muttered.  “Perhaps we must simplify.  Get back to first principles.”

“You mean like gravity?” Kevin asked.

I half-expected the professor to say, And what is gravity?  But it turned out Sir Isaac Newton had lived in this world, and they knew about gravity and the laws of motion and all that stuff.  “Perhaps gravity,” he replied.  “Or something equally basic.  I don’t know.  Perhaps we should just talk.”

He seemed kind of discouraged.  I think his heart really wasn’t in it.  But then that night Kevin came up with something, just

sitting in front of the big kitchen fireplace and watching the smoke go up the chimney.

“Hot-air balloons!” he exclaimed.

Professor Palmer looked at him, and then asked the usual question.  “And what is a hot-air balloon?”

“My parents gave me a ride in one once as a birthday present,” Kevin said.  Not the kind of present my mother would ever have given me.  “Hot air rises–you know that, right?  Because heating the air makes it expand and become lighter.  As it expands, it can push things up.”  He crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it onto the fire.  A few of the ashes rose up the chimney along with the smoke.  “So with hot-air balloons,” he went on, “you have this huge, like, spherical cloth, and there’s a flame underneath it so you can heat the air inside the sphere.  And there’s this big wicker basket attached where people can stand, and it rises with the balloon.  If you want the make the balloon go higher or lower, you adjust the flame.  It’s really cool.”

The professor looked puzzled.  “Cool?  How can the flame be cool?”

Kevin shook his head and explained what cool meant.

“Well then, yes,” the professor said, “I agree that it is really ‘cool.'”  He stroked his beard, then started peppering Kevin with questions.  “Can you steer a balloon?”

“A little bit.  You have to catch air currents going one way or another.  Someone went around the world in a balloon, I think.”

“What is the balloon made out of?”

“I’m not sure.  Nylon or something–you probably don’t have any of that.”

“Silk!” I put in, happy to be able to contribute.  “In the old days they used silk.  I remember seeing a show about balloons on the History Channel.  The North used them in the Civil War to check out enemy positions.  They were attached to the ground with a long rope so they wouldn’t float away.”

Professor Palmer took a pencil and started sketching what a balloon looked like.  “There are clearly some practical issues here,” he said, “but yes, this is interesting.  We’ll see what William has to say.”

So that was pretty good.  And another idea came the next afternoon, as we sat on the front porch during a thunderstorm.  We started talking about electricity.  There hadn’t been a Benjamin Franklin in this world, but they did understand lightning; they just hadn’t made much use of what they knew about electricity.  We had already talked about electrical power and electric lights, but we hadn’t talked about the basicsNow we started describing some of the experiments we did in science class, and that got Professor Palmer scribbling furiously.  “Yes, of course,” he said.  “Storing and controlling it.  What were the words again?”

“Batteries?” Kevin said.  “Generators?”

“Yes, yes.  And the electricity runs along wires . . . ”

“I don’t know how they work,” I said, “but I think there are electric fences–to keep animals in.  The cow or whatever touches the fence and gets a shock, and that teaches him to stay away from the fence.”

“Electric fences,” the professor said.  “Remarkable.  If they keep animals in, would they keep soldiers out?”

“I don’t see why not.  But you need to generate the power.”

“Yes, of course.”

More writing, as the rain came pouring down.  I thought of the people in the camp, with only the shelter of their wagons.  We’ve been very lucky, I thought.  I wondered if our luck would hold.  Maybe Lieutenant Carmody would send us back to the camp when he’d gotten whatever he could out of us.  Or maybe the Portuguese and Canadians would attack tomorrow, and then what?  Even if New England somehow won the war, what would happen to us next month, next year, if we couldn’t find the portal, and we ended up stuck here forever?

A couple of days later Lieutenant Carmody returned, looking preoccupied and worried.  This time we sat around the dining room table, and Professor Palmer brought out his notes and drawings.  As usual, the lieutenant listened carefully, then asked a lot of tough questions.  I couldn’t tell if he was happy with what we had come up with or disgusted with the time he had wasted on us.  After a while he simply nodded and said, “Right.  Let’s go back to Boston.”

“Why the devil do we have to go to Boston?” the professor asked.

“To talk to General Aldridge.  He’s at the fortifications in Brighton.  Along the River Road past the new refugee camp.”

“Does that mean you like our ideas?” I asked.

“That means General Aldridge won’t chew my head off for wasting his time on them.  Now let’s go, if you please.  There’s a war on, as one of our more discerning senior officers likes to point out.”

Professor Palmer didn’t act pleased, though.  “I don’t see why Aldridge can’t come here,” he grumbled.  Secretly, though, I think he was kind of relieved.  He went and changed into a white shirt and a long gray coat, and then we went outside, hitched up Susie to his carriage, and headed off to Boston, with Lieutenant Carmody leading the way on his horse.  The professor’s carriage wasn’t as fancy as the one Peter drove; it was open and smaller, and a whole lot bouncier as we went over the bumps and ruts of the Massachusetts Road.  But it was kind of fun to be going somewhere for a change.

Like the lieutenant said, there was another camp now along the Charles, just past the bridge.  We saw hundreds of people there as we passed by.  “Poor wretches,” the professor muttered.  “Things get worse by the day.”

Eventually the river bent away from us to the right, and that’s where the fortifications started.  Looking at them got the professor muttering some more.  “How do they expect to keep the enemy out with earthworks and palisades?”

They really didn’t appear all that impressive.  Maybe I’d seen too many movies, but it seemed like any good-sized army should have been able to overrun those pointed stakes and piles of dirt.  After a while we reached an area where the fortifications were still being constructed, and I spotted General Aldridge talking to a bunch of other officers.  He looked even sloppier than he had the other time I’d seen him.  He hadn’t shaved in a while, and a small unlit cigar was clenched between his teeth, just like it had been the first time we met him.

We pulled up next to him and got out of the carriage.  “What a colossal waste of time, Solomon,” Professor Palmer said to him.  “Why don’t we invite the Canadians over, hand them the keys to the city, and be done with it?”

“Good afternoon to you too, Alexander,” General Aldridge replied.  He looked at us.  “Runs, er, struck in,” he said to Kevin.

“Runs batted in,” Kevin corrected him.

The general nodded.  “Of course.  Certainly.  How could I forget?”  Then he turned to Lieutenant Carmody.  “Well, Lieutenant, I suppose you have your reasons for subjecting me to this paragon of courtesy?” he asked, gesturing at the professor.

“Sir, can you spare a few moments?” the lieutenant replied.

The general waved the other officers away and had an orderly produce a few chairs for us.  When we had sat down, the lieutenant continued.  “They have a couple of ideas, sir, that it would be well for us to consider.”  And he started talking about some of the things we had come up with–mostly the balloons and the electric fences.  Professor Palmer and Kevin and I jumped in with comments and corrections while the general listened in silence.

“Balloons,” he murmured when we were done.  He made it sound like a word in a foreign language–which, I guess, it sort of was.  “Electricity.  And we have no idea if any of this will work?”

“The ideas have a sound theoretical basis,” the professor replied.  “As for their practical application, that is a question of time and resources.”

“We have precious little of either,” the general pointed out.

“Then we should start preparing for the surrender ceremony instead,” Professor Palmer said.  “President Gardner is very good at ceremonies.  I’m sure it will be memorable.”

That got a laugh out of General Aldridge.  “What is it that you need?” he asked.

“Silk, and lots of it,” the professor replied.  “Copper wire–even more of that.  Experienced carpenters, machinists, seamstresses, and blacksmiths.  Munitions experts.  Sir Henry Bolles.  James Carlton–I believe he’s staying at the Somerset Club.  Professor Harold Foster–he’s probably drunk in a ditch somewhere, but no one knows more about electricity.  We will need open land.  And we will need to be left alone.”

The general lifted an eyebrow.  “Are you sure that’s all?” he asked.  “How about some gold ingots?  Perhaps a shipload of molasses?  A deserted island in the West Indies?”

“Most amusing,” the professor replied.  “It may in fact not be all.  But it is a start.”

The general took the cigar out of his mouth and looked at Lieutenant Carmody.  “Well?”

“The landmines and grenades and the like–I’m dubious that we can accomplish much with them,” he replied.  “I’m intrigued by the reconnaissance potential of these balloons.  As for the electric fences, they would of course have some tactical value, depending on how powerful they can be made.  But there’s more, sir.”

“What’s that?”

“Surprise.  Terror.  Dismay.  Some of the soldiers who saw that lad’s watch thought it was the work of the devil.  What will our enemies think if they see flying devices used against them?  They may think: If we can do these things, what other wonders do we have in store?  What will that do to their morale, their will to defeat us?”

The general nodded slowly.  “Yes, it’s always good to have the devil on your side,” he said.  “It will be difficult to keep this secret from the president, I fear.”

“Undoubtedly.  He need not make the connection with the boys, though, if that’s your concern.”

“I suppose.”  General Aldridge sat there for a moment, staring into space.  Then suddenly he flung his cigar onto the ground and stood up.  “Lieutenant, get them what they need,” he ordered.  “Let’s make this happen, and the president be damned.”

Lieutenant Carmody leaped to his feet.  “Yes, sir.”

The general looked at the professor and the two of us and shook his head.  “An odd crew to entrust with the future of our nation.  But beggars can’t be choosers.  Fare you well.”

He turned and walked back to the fortifications.

“Well, then,” the lieutenant said to us.  “I believe we have some work to do.”

Oliver Sacks, “Proof of Heaven”, and Newtown

Here is Oliver Sacks in The Atlantic denying the supernatural origin of near-death experiences like the one described in Proof of Heaven:

Hallucinations, whether revelatory or banal, are not of supernatural origin; they are part of the normal range of human consciousness and experience. This is not to say that they cannot play a part in the spiritual life, or have great meaning for an individual. Yet while it is understandable that one might attribute value, ground beliefs, or construct narratives from them, hallucinations cannot provide evidence for the existence of any metaphysical beings or places. They provide evidence only of the brain’s power to create them.

And here is Father Robert Weiss of St. Rose of Lima Catholic Church in Newtown, Connecticut last night:

“Thinking about those little children, we now have 20 new saints looking over us in all the days to come.”

I am dubious about the idea that there are no atheists in foxholes, but if religion does any good, it is to provide consolation to people like the families whose children were senselessly murdered yesterday.  They don’t need Oliver Sacks; they need Father Weiss.  They need hope, no matter how ephemeral and unproven it may be.

The Next Big Thing — What I’m Working On Now

There’s apparently an author meme infecting the Internet wherein you’re supposed to talk about what you’re currently working on, and link to others doing the same.  I hate this meme. I hate talking about what I’m working on.  Actually, I also hate talking about stuff I’ve already worked on.  But if I didn’t do that, this blog would be empty except for posts about Mitt Romney.  So here goes.  For a much better example of how to do this, check out Jeff Carver’s site.  If you’re participating in the meme, feel free to leave a link in comments.

1) What is the title of your next book?

I dunno.  And if I told you, I would probably be wrong.

2) Where did the idea come from for the book?

I had an image.  I’ve written a few pages of notes about the novel, and that image is the first sentence in the notes.  That first sentence is now crossed out.  So I wonder if this tells us something.

3) What genre does your book fall under?

It is your standard post-apocalypse private eye novel, with a main character who is deeply interested in nineteenth-century British poetry.

4) What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

The idea that there would be a movie rendition of this book is so ridiculous that I won’t even contemplate it.  Could you please come up with better questions?

5) What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Walter Sands investigates the disappearance of the charismatic leader of a local church; as usual, he fails, and he succeeds, and he wonders what life is all about.  (This is the third in a series.)

6) Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Self-published.

7) How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

I’m about fifteen percent into the first draft.  Early days.

8) What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

See the response to question 3.  If there are other books in this “genre,” I’m not aware of them.

9) Who or what inspired you to write this book?

I have been thinking a lot about religion.  So I started to wonder about religious beliefs in the world I had created for Dover Beach.  I said a little about this in its sequel, The Distance Beacons.  I decided I had something more to say.

10) What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest?

I think there will be a boat ride!  And maybe, if you’re good, a visit to New York City!  Unfortunately, Manhattan will have a rat problem.  Also, there will be some references to nineteenth-century British poetry.  If that doesn’t pique your interest, I don’t know what will.

Mr. Lincoln, it’d be, like, totally awesome if you freed all the people of color

Andrew Sullivan links to a couple of interesting pieces about Tony Kushner’s attempt to make the dialog for Lincoln historically accurate. Seems like the least you can do when you’re writing historical dialog. No one is going to do this perfectly, and mistaking “thence” for “thither” (one error that he apparently committed) is at worst a venial sin.  Downton Abbey, on the other hand, has been criticized for using anachronistic words like “shafted”; that sin seems closer to being mortal.

I recently made an attempt to read Cascade, a novel about a small town in 1930s Massachusetts that is threatened with destruction in order to create a reservoir to serve the growing population of Boston.  The author clearly researched the hell out of her subject matter, but unfortunately she had a couple of her characters use “hopefully” as a sentence adverb, as in dialog of this sort: “Hopefully we’ll be able to get tickets for the new Garbo film.”  I suppose this usage may have been around in the 30s, but it sounded distressingly modern to my ears.  Another venial sin, I suppose, but it was annoying.

I had related dialog issues in my parallel-universe novel Portal, which you can currently read a chunk of by following the links up there in the menu.  In it, two kids from our world find themselves in a world much like this one, but which apparently diverged from ours a few hundred years ago.  People speak English, but the idioms and usages are slightly different.  So, for example, the kids keep saying “OK,” and people have no idea what that means.  And then we have this exchange, where a professor they have met tells the kids about his wife and child, who died of smallpox.  One of the kids, perhaps unwisely, mentions that, in his world, smallpox has been cured:

“I’m pretty sure they came up with, you know, a vaccine.”

“No, I don’t know.  What is a ‘vaccine’?” he demanded.

This time Kevin had an explanation.  “It’s like when you give someone a tiny bit of a disease, with a shot or something.  Not enough to make them sick, but it gives them immunity when they come in contact with the disease for real.”

“What do you mean, ‘immunity’?”

“You know, when you don’t get a disease, because your body has built up a resistance to the germs.”

The professor shook his head, still not getting it.  “And what are ‘germs’?” he asked.

Kevin looked at me like, Can you believe this?  “They’re tiny, um, organisms that can make you sick,” he said.  “Different kinds of germs give you different illnesses.  They’re really small–you can only see them with a powerful microscope.  Do you have microscopes in this world?”

Professor Palmer continued to stare at Kevin.  Then I noticed that his dark eyes were filled with tears.  “So many people have died of smallpox,” he said.  “And you tell me they could have been saved?”

“We’ve cured a lot of diseases,” Kevin said.

“What about . . . drikana?”

Kevin looked at me.  I shook my head.  The name was kind of familiar, but I couldn’t place it.  “Never heard of it,” I said.

This kind of language confusion, which is a function of the different histories of the two worlds, is central to what the novel is about.  If I get something wrong, be sure to let me know!

I really shouldn’t have killed that guy

The print edition of today’s Boston Globe tells me something I hadn’t known: Tolkien had to retroactively change The Hobbit to make it fit with the plot he subsequently created for The Lord of the Rings:

When Tolkien first wrote “The Hobbit,” he didn’t know Gollum’s “birthday present” would take on such significance in his sequel.  He had to fix future editions of “The Hobbit” to better match the story arc.

So, I’m currently at work at a novel set in the world of Dover Beach and The Distance Beacons.  Writing about a world you’ve already invented, with some of the same characters you’ve already invented, certainly makes things easier for an author in many ways: you’re earning a return on your creative investment.  On the other hand, you do occasionally find yourself hemmed in by the choices you’ve already made.

In particular, I find myself missing a character I killed off in Dover Beach. I realize now that this was a somewhat gratuitous act of violence; the novel would not have been harmed if I had let the poor guy live.  But I was younger then and thought I knew what I was doing.  And now . . . now I can’t imagine the novel without him dead at the end of it.  So there will be no Tolkienesque retroactive fiddling.  What’s done is done.  Life, and art, will have to go on without him.

Portal, an online novel: Chapter 10

Well, we’re about a quarter of the way through.  The story so far: Larry and his friend Kevin, who live in a suburb south of Boston, have stumbled through some kind of portal into a parallel universe.  Here, there is no “America”; instead they have landed in a  “United States of New England” that’s fighting a war with Canada and New Portugal.  They make their way to Boston, which is preparing for a siege, and no one is optimistic about winning the war.  Kevin shows his multi-function watch to some soldiers, and this eventually brings the boys to the attention of New England’s military commander, General Gardner and his aide, Lieutenant Carmody.  They are (somewhat) convinced that the Kevin and Larry are from another world, but they can’t figure out how the boys can help the war effort.  So they send the boys off to live with Professor Palmer in Cambridge, hoping that he can come up with some ideas.  And that brings us to . . .

Chapter 10

“My housekeeper left to join her daughter’s family in Boston,” Professor Palmer explained, “but I’m used to fending for myself.  Kindly have a seat.”

The kitchen was large and sunny, with a big open fireplace along the inside wall.  We sat in a couple of straight-backed wooden chairs in a corner and watched him putter for a while in silence.  When he was done, we helped him bring the food into the dining room, which was small and dark and kind of stuffy.  We ate cold roast chicken, and it was just about the best chicken I’d ever tasted.  I was beginning to get the idea that food here was either terrible or delicious.  Like the soldiers in the mess hall, he ate with his knife.  His fork only had two prongs, and he used it just to hold down the meat while he cut it.  Weird.

“Before long, meals like this will be but a memory,” the professor said.  “We must enjoy them while we can.”

“Yes, sir,” I replied.  “It’s very good.”

“Yes.  Well.”  He paused, then fell silent and looked down at his plate.  He seemed to be having difficulty starting up a conversation with us.

“Do you believe us?” Kevin asked.

He looked up and blinked rapidly.  “You know, I want very much to believe you,” he replied.  “Knowledge is so hard to come by.  In many ways we have learned little–and forgotten much–since the ancient Greeks.  The idea that somewhere, somehow, another turn was taken, and so much more has been discovered and accomplished–it is deeply exciting.  But then, there is still Occam’s razor.”

“We’re telling the truth,” I said.  “We’re not smart enough to make up all this stuff.”

The professor nodded.  “That is actually the most powerful argument in your favor.  Your theory, though–that we live our lives countless times, in countless different worlds–simply doesn’t feel real.  It is the stuff of fantastical late-night conversations in college common rooms, after too many glasses of port.  Lieutenant Carmody wants weapons.  I want to understand what is real.”

“We don’t drink port,” I pointed out.  I had no idea what port was.

That got him to laugh.  “Let us begin, then,” he said.  “Remove these plates, and I’ll find some paper.”

We cleared the table while the professor got some of that odd-looking yellowish paper that the lieutenant had used, and one of those strange, long pencils.  And we started telling our story once again.

It didn’t go all that well.  Professor Palmer took a lot of notes and asked a lot of questions, but we had the same problem we had before.  Like the lieutenant said, we knew things, but we didn’t understand them.  And the professor was mostly interested in the portal and how that worked and what it meant to philosophy and religion and stuff, and there we couldn’t help him at all.  After a while he began to look unhappy and distracted, like he was getting tired of listening to us.

Finally we took a break, and he showed us his house and where we’d be sleeping.  For a famous professor, his house wasn’t all that big–I think people in this world were used to a lot less space than in ours.  Across from the dining room was a small room he called the “parlor,” which was mostly filled up with a piano.  That reminded me again of the piano lesson I had missed, which wasn’t good.  Next to the parlor was a tiny study crammed with books.  There was a narrow staircase leading to the second floor, which had one good-sized bedroom and one small one.  We were bringing up sheets and blankets to the small bedroom when we noticed a couple of paintings in the hall–one was of a little boy in short pants, the other of a black-haired woman with a sad smile sitting in a chair and holding a fan.  Kevin asked the professor who they were.  He looked like he didn’t want to answer, and then he said softly, “My wife and son.”

“Where are they?” Kevin asked.  “Are they–?”

He shrugged.  “They died many years ago.”

“How did they die?”

I thought that was kind of a pushy question.  The professor again didn’t seem to want to talk about it, but he said, “In an outbreak of the smallpox.”  He gazed at the painting of the child.  “It occurred shortly after Seth’s portrait was completed.”

“Smallpox?” Kevin said.  “I’m pretty sure that’s totally cured in our world.”

The professor turned and glared at Kevin.  “Do not trifle with me, boy!” he shot back angrily.

Kevin retreated a step.  I think he was afraid the professor was going to hit him.  “I didn’t mean to–” he said.  “I mean, I’m sorry, if you don’t want to talk about it . . . ”

“How was it cured?” he demanded.  “Or is that something else you don’t understand?”

“I’m pretty sure they came up with, you know, a vaccine.”

“No, I don’t know.  What is a ‘vaccine’?” he demanded.

This time Kevin had an explanation.  “It’s like when you give someone a tiny bit of a disease, with a shot or something.  Not enough to make them sick, but it gives them immunity when they come in contact with the disease for real.”

“What do you mean, ‘immunity’?”

“You know, when you don’t get a disease, because your body has built up a resistance to the germs.”

The professor shook his head, still not getting it.  “And what are ‘germs’?” he asked.

Kevin looked at me like, Can you believe this?  “They’re tiny, um, organisms that can make you sick,” he said.  “Different kinds of germs give you different illnesses.  They’re really small–you can only see them with a powerful microscope.  Do you have microscopes in this world?”

Professor Palmer continued to stare at Kevin.  Then I noticed that his dark eyes were filled with tears.  “So many people have died of smallpox,” he said.  “And you tell me they could have been saved?”

“We’ve cured a lot of diseases,” Kevin said.

“What about . . . drikana?”

Kevin looked at me.  I shook my head.  The name was kind of familiar, but I couldn’t place it.  “Never heard of it,” I said.

“Me neither.”

“No matter, I suppose,” the professor said softly.  “No matter.”

But that conversation did matter.  It seemed to change the way Professor Palmer acted toward us.  He never really said that he believed us instead of Occam’s razor or whatever, but it was just more or less assumed.  It was more than that, though–before, it had been like what we were telling him was just a puzzle he was trying to figure out.  Now, it was different.  Now, it was sort of personal.  We weren’t going to bring his wife and son back, but maybe we really could help.

#

After supper we all sat in the parlor and talked more about his world.  Professor Palmer was eager to give us his opinions about it.  He seemed a little lonely, with the college closed and the town deserted and nobody to lecture to, and we were the best audience he was going to get.

“This war need never have happened,” he said, “except that those purblind fools in Boston were certain it wouldn’t happen.  They assumed the Canadians and Portuguese hated each other more than they hated us, and would never be able to unite against us no matter how much we provoked them.  Perhaps fifty years ago that was true.  But times have changed.  They realized that they needn’t be friends to be allies, and we were in no position to defend ourselves on two fronts.  So they attacked, and we have been fighting for our lives ever since.”

I remembered the newspaper we’d read and the soldiers’ talk.  “Why hasn’t England helped?” I asked.

“Because we asked too late.  And because England has more than enough problems of its own fighting the Franco-Prussian alliance.  And there continue to be those who never wanted us to become independent of England, and would be happy to see us fail.”

“Sir,” Kevin said, “would you mind–we still don’t understand what’s going on here.  We know about Canada, but what happened to America–you know, what we call this place?  And in our world, the Spanish came here first from Europe.  Portugal didn’t have a whole lot to do with the New World, that I remember.  We think something must have changed way back in your history, to make things end up so different.”

The professor nodded.  “All right.  The theory makes sense.  Let’s see if we can find out.”

It didn’t take that long.  You wouldn’t have to have paid much attention in history class to figure out what the difference was, once you started looking for it.

In this world, Christopher Columbus didn’t discover America.  Professor Palmer had never heard of the guy.

What we learned in school was that the Portuguese, under Prince Henry the Navigator, wanted to find a trade route to India, so they explored south along the coast of Africa, until they rounded the Cape of Good Hope and sailed north through the Indian Ocean.  They weren’t interested in sailing west across the Atlantic, maybe because they knew more about geography than Columbus and realized they’d have to travel a whole lot further than he thought to reach India.

So in our world Columbus went off and sold Spain on his idea, and that’s why Spain reached the New World first, why it became a huge empire, at least for a while, why Balboa discovered the Pacific and Cortez conquered Mexico and all that stuff.  And America got named almost by accident when a mapmaker decided a guy named Amerigo Vespucci deserved some credit for his explorations.

That was us.

In Professor Palmer’s world, the Portuguese did sail west and discover the New World.  It wasn’t even Columbus’s idea; he never entered the picture.  It was Portugal, not Spain, that got all the silver and gold.  It was Portugal that became the big empire, with Spain just another loser country in Europe.

France still explored and settled what would become Canada, and England colonized the eastern part of “America.”  But the British colonies never expanded the way they did in our world.  They stayed along the Atlantic coast, hemmed in by the Portuguese, the Canadians, and the Indians.  And that’s the way it stayed.

Professor Palmer showed us a map that night.  New England was a lot bigger than it was in our world–it looked like it included New York and Pennsylvania–but New Portugal was huge; it extended all the way from, like, Virginia, west to what’s Texas in our world, then south through Mexico and into South America.  Canada was big, too, stretching down into the Midwest.  On the map New England looked like this little stone stuck between two huge boulders.

How could it avoid getting crushed?

Well, things weren’t always quite as bad as they looked on the map.  New Portugal was too big, too spread out to be much of a nation.  It was more like a bunch of half-independent states, usually at war with each other.  And Canada had mostly been friendly with New England and an enemy of New Portugal.

But right now England was busy fighting a war against France and Prussia (which was sort of like our Germany), so it couldn’t do much to help with the defense of its former colony.  Canada and New Portugal saw this as an opportunity to carve up the little nation between them.  New England had been trying to extend its borders by skirmishing with both countries, and that gave them the reason they needed to invade.

It all seemed so strange, so different, as we talked about it.  There had been no American Revolution, no Civil War.  New England had stayed part of the British Empire until 1925.  Slavery ended there when it ended in the rest of the Empire, in the 1830’s, although it still existed on a small scale in some areas of New Portugal.  The whole western part of the continent remained largely unexplored and was inhabited mostly by Indians (who were called by their tribal names, because no one ever thought they came from India).

Some people were just as famous in this world as they were in ours–Beethoven, for example.  But many either hadn’t existed or, if they did, never became well-known.  Shakespeare had died young and was remembered for just a couple of poems.  Mozart, Van Gogh, Mark Twain–who were they?  Professor Palmer had never heard of them, and lots of others we mentioned.

And where were all the inventions, the medicines, the discoveries?  Why was this world, like, two hundred years behind ours?

The answer became obvious to Professor Palmer as we talked.  “You told me this afternoon that you had never heard of drikana,” he said.  “That may explain a great deal.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“A horrible disease–worse even than smallpox or consumption.  A person afflicted with drikana has uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea.  It is as if everything in his body is trying to escape as quickly as possible.  Most people die within two days of the disease’s onset.  It is also highly contagious.  If it shows up in a city, it will kill a third of the inhabitants in a month.”

Kevin and I looked at each other.  I remembered where I’d heard the word before.  “A soldier asked us about drikana when we were coming into Boston,” I recalled.

Professor Palmer nodded.  “They need to be vigilant to keep the disease from entering.  An outbreak would be devastating, with the city so crowded with refugees.”

“Drikana sounds kind of like Ebola,” Kevin said.  “That’s a deadly virus from Africa.”

“And what is a ‘virus’?” the professor asked.

Kevin tried his best to explain.  “Kind of like germs, I think, only it’s harder to come up with medicines for a virus.  I think.”

“There is no cure for drikana,” the professor noted.  “Early settlers in the New World were the first to come down with it.  ‘Drikana’ was the name of a native tribe near the site of the first outbreak.  Unfortunately the survivors returned to Portugal and brought the disease with them.  It devastated Europe, and five hundred years later it still devastates us.  For a few years it seems to lie dormant, until people begin to hope that it is finally gone–but always there is a new outbreak, just as devastating as the last.

“Surely that accounts for the difference between our worlds,” he went on.  “How many geniuses has the disease claimed before they could make their discoveries?   How much time and effort have we spent in dealing with it that we could have spent in the search for knowledge?”  He looked pained again, as he had when talking about the death of his wife and son.  “And how many lives have we wasted fighting useless wars like this one?” he murmured.

“Well, it’s not like there are no wars in our world,” Kevin pointed out.  And we talked about the Civil War and the World Wars and Iraq, the concentration camps and the A-bomb and chemical weapons.  I don’t think it made the professor feel much better.

“Knowledge doesn’t bring wisdom, certainly,” he said.  “No reason to assume otherwise.  More advanced weapons just allow you to kill each other more efficiently.  Still, a world without drikana, with smallpox cured . . .  I daresay most people would make the exchange.”

I know I would have.

“Well,” he said, “this is the world we have, and we must make the best of it.  Time for bed.  Tomorrow we will set to work again.”

We went up to our room, and for the first time in this world we had clean sheets and soft pillows.  The mattresses were lumpy and, of course, we still had to pee in a pot or go outside to what the professor called the “privy.”  But we weren’t complaining.

“Drikana,” Kevin whispered in the darkness, as if trying out the disease’s name.

“Drikana,” I repeated, lying on my bed and staring up at the ceiling.

“Some little germ somewhere, can’t even see it, and it wipes out half the world, sets progress back centuries.”

“Do you think we’ll get it?” I asked.

“Maybe the worst danger in this world isn’t the Portuguese or the Canadians,” he replied, not quite answering my question.

“Have you ever been in the hospital?”

“Just to the emergency room once,” he said, “when I broke my thumb.”

“I don’t even know if they have hospitals here.”

“If they do, doesn’t sound like they’d be much use.”

I fell silent, thinking about how safe I’d always felt at home.  My mom was crazy about safety, but even if she weren’t, there were doctors and ambulances and firemen and policemen around . . .  Bad things happened, sure, but they had never happened to me.   And it had never really occurred to me that they could happen to me, maybe just because Mom was always so worried.  With her protecting me, what could go wrong?

Drikana.

Kevin was silent.  I listened to my heart beating in the quiet room.  I have to rely on myself now, I thought.  I had to grow up.  There just wasn’t any choice.  No use feeling sorry for myself; no use thinking about the past and my home and family and what I could have done to not get into this mess.  No use hoping they’d find the portal and find this world and magically save me.  A germ or a virus or whatever could kill me tomorrow, but I couldn’t worry about that.  I could only do my best, and try to stay alive.

The New Yorker tells us why novels have bad endings (plus, the best ending ever!)

The last time we checked in on The New Yorker, someone was pontificating on why genre fiction by definition can’t be high art. Now someone else tells us why novels tend to have bad endings.

Let’s get the obvious out of the way and state that this basic premise is idiotic.  Some novels have great endings; some novels have lousy endings.  There is nothing inherent in the art form that makes it hard for Mark Twain, for example, to come up with a good ending for Huckleberry Finn (one of the article’s prime examples). Her basic explanation for this purported phenomenon has something to do with entropy and makes absolutely no sense to me.  But instead of analyzing it, let me offer my own theory of why some endings are better than others.

Writers don’t start with entire plots; they start with ideas or images from which the plot emerges (usually with a lot of hard work).  Sometimes the image has to do with the ending; sometimes it doesn’t.  And the image tends to be what’s most vital, most deeply imagined, about the novel.  I don’t know anything about the genesis of Huckleberry Finn, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it started with Twain imagining a white boy and a black man floating down the Mississippi on a raft.  This is worth a novel!  But then you have to get them onto the raft, and you have to explain what happens to them afterwards, and none of that other stuff is quite as interesting.  The image is the art; everything else is craft.

OK, enough of that.  Thinking about endings made me want to re-read the best ending ever, which is the final few paragraphs of James Joyce’s The Dead.  I can imagine Joyce constructing a story just to lead up to this moment, with Gabriel staring out the window at the snow, thinking of his wife’s lost lover.  It’s an ending that makes your soul swoon softly, as it should in the presence of great art.

The air of the room chilled his shoulders. He stretched himself cautiously along under the sheets and lay down beside his wife. One by one they were all becoming shades. Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age. He thought of how she who lay beside him had locked in her heart for so many years that image of her lover’s eyes when he had told her that he did not wish to live.

Generous tears filled Gabriel’s eyes. He had never felt like that himself towards any woman but he knew that such a feeling must be love. The tears gathered more thickly in his eyes and in the partial darkness he imagined he saw the form of a young man standing under a dripping tree. Other forms were near. His soul had approached that region where dwell the vast hosts of the dead. He was conscious of, but could not apprehend, their wayward and flickering existence. His own identity was fading out into a grey impalpable world: the solid world itself which these dead had one time reared and lived in was dissolving and dwindling.

A few light taps upon the pane made him turn to the window. It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Michael Furey lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.

Bad sex: Carnal pink palpitations are a winner!

The 2012 Bad Sex in Fiction Award has been awarded to Nancy Huston for her novel Infrared. The Guardian is all over this award.  Here is an excerpt from the award-winning novel, featuring “the quivering sensation, the carnal pink palpitation that detaches you from all colour and all flesh…”  And here is an article on the award process and the other nominees.  J. K. Rowling didn’t win it for The Casual Vacancy, apparently, because her writing wasn’t nearly bad enough.

I haven’t read Huston’s novel, or Rowling’s, or any of the other nominees this year.  But I did read 1Q84, which was a nominee last year, and it certainly had one very weird sex scene.  These sentences from it don’t really do it justice, but you’d have to read the entire book to understand the true weirdness of what is going on:

A freshly made ear and a freshly made vagina look very much alike, Tengo thought. Both appeared to be turned outward, trying to listen closely to something – something like a distant bell.

I have written a bunch of sex scenes, and they are really hard to do well.  At the physical level, sex is straightforward and not particularly interesting to describe.  At the emotional level, you want to amp things up, because the emotions are typically what’s important to the story.  But amping it up leaves you open to carnal pink palpitations.  So you have to find a balance between that sort of prose and cutting to curtains blowing in an open window, or a train entering a tunnel.  Who said writing was easy?