I really shouldn’t have killed that guy

The print edition of today’s Boston Globe tells me something I hadn’t known: Tolkien had to retroactively change The Hobbit to make it fit with the plot he subsequently created for The Lord of the Rings:

When Tolkien first wrote “The Hobbit,” he didn’t know Gollum’s “birthday present” would take on such significance in his sequel.  He had to fix future editions of “The Hobbit” to better match the story arc.

So, I’m currently at work at a novel set in the world of Dover Beach and The Distance Beacons.  Writing about a world you’ve already invented, with some of the same characters you’ve already invented, certainly makes things easier for an author in many ways: you’re earning a return on your creative investment.  On the other hand, you do occasionally find yourself hemmed in by the choices you’ve already made.

In particular, I find myself missing a character I killed off in Dover Beach. I realize now that this was a somewhat gratuitous act of violence; the novel would not have been harmed if I had let the poor guy live.  But I was younger then and thought I knew what I was doing.  And now . . . now I can’t imagine the novel without him dead at the end of it.  So there will be no Tolkienesque retroactive fiddling.  What’s done is done.  Life, and art, will have to go on without him.

Portal, an online novel: Chapter 10

Well, we’re about a quarter of the way through.  The story so far: Larry and his friend Kevin, who live in a suburb south of Boston, have stumbled through some kind of portal into a parallel universe.  Here, there is no “America”; instead they have landed in a  “United States of New England” that’s fighting a war with Canada and New Portugal.  They make their way to Boston, which is preparing for a siege, and no one is optimistic about winning the war.  Kevin shows his multi-function watch to some soldiers, and this eventually brings the boys to the attention of New England’s military commander, General Gardner and his aide, Lieutenant Carmody.  They are (somewhat) convinced that the Kevin and Larry are from another world, but they can’t figure out how the boys can help the war effort.  So they send the boys off to live with Professor Palmer in Cambridge, hoping that he can come up with some ideas.  And that brings us to . . .

Chapter 10

“My housekeeper left to join her daughter’s family in Boston,” Professor Palmer explained, “but I’m used to fending for myself.  Kindly have a seat.”

The kitchen was large and sunny, with a big open fireplace along the inside wall.  We sat in a couple of straight-backed wooden chairs in a corner and watched him putter for a while in silence.  When he was done, we helped him bring the food into the dining room, which was small and dark and kind of stuffy.  We ate cold roast chicken, and it was just about the best chicken I’d ever tasted.  I was beginning to get the idea that food here was either terrible or delicious.  Like the soldiers in the mess hall, he ate with his knife.  His fork only had two prongs, and he used it just to hold down the meat while he cut it.  Weird.

“Before long, meals like this will be but a memory,” the professor said.  “We must enjoy them while we can.”

“Yes, sir,” I replied.  “It’s very good.”

“Yes.  Well.”  He paused, then fell silent and looked down at his plate.  He seemed to be having difficulty starting up a conversation with us.

“Do you believe us?” Kevin asked.

He looked up and blinked rapidly.  “You know, I want very much to believe you,” he replied.  “Knowledge is so hard to come by.  In many ways we have learned little–and forgotten much–since the ancient Greeks.  The idea that somewhere, somehow, another turn was taken, and so much more has been discovered and accomplished–it is deeply exciting.  But then, there is still Occam’s razor.”

“We’re telling the truth,” I said.  “We’re not smart enough to make up all this stuff.”

The professor nodded.  “That is actually the most powerful argument in your favor.  Your theory, though–that we live our lives countless times, in countless different worlds–simply doesn’t feel real.  It is the stuff of fantastical late-night conversations in college common rooms, after too many glasses of port.  Lieutenant Carmody wants weapons.  I want to understand what is real.”

“We don’t drink port,” I pointed out.  I had no idea what port was.

That got him to laugh.  “Let us begin, then,” he said.  “Remove these plates, and I’ll find some paper.”

We cleared the table while the professor got some of that odd-looking yellowish paper that the lieutenant had used, and one of those strange, long pencils.  And we started telling our story once again.

It didn’t go all that well.  Professor Palmer took a lot of notes and asked a lot of questions, but we had the same problem we had before.  Like the lieutenant said, we knew things, but we didn’t understand them.  And the professor was mostly interested in the portal and how that worked and what it meant to philosophy and religion and stuff, and there we couldn’t help him at all.  After a while he began to look unhappy and distracted, like he was getting tired of listening to us.

Finally we took a break, and he showed us his house and where we’d be sleeping.  For a famous professor, his house wasn’t all that big–I think people in this world were used to a lot less space than in ours.  Across from the dining room was a small room he called the “parlor,” which was mostly filled up with a piano.  That reminded me again of the piano lesson I had missed, which wasn’t good.  Next to the parlor was a tiny study crammed with books.  There was a narrow staircase leading to the second floor, which had one good-sized bedroom and one small one.  We were bringing up sheets and blankets to the small bedroom when we noticed a couple of paintings in the hall–one was of a little boy in short pants, the other of a black-haired woman with a sad smile sitting in a chair and holding a fan.  Kevin asked the professor who they were.  He looked like he didn’t want to answer, and then he said softly, “My wife and son.”

“Where are they?” Kevin asked.  “Are they–?”

He shrugged.  “They died many years ago.”

“How did they die?”

I thought that was kind of a pushy question.  The professor again didn’t seem to want to talk about it, but he said, “In an outbreak of the smallpox.”  He gazed at the painting of the child.  “It occurred shortly after Seth’s portrait was completed.”

“Smallpox?” Kevin said.  “I’m pretty sure that’s totally cured in our world.”

The professor turned and glared at Kevin.  “Do not trifle with me, boy!” he shot back angrily.

Kevin retreated a step.  I think he was afraid the professor was going to hit him.  “I didn’t mean to–” he said.  “I mean, I’m sorry, if you don’t want to talk about it . . . ”

“How was it cured?” he demanded.  “Or is that something else you don’t understand?”

“I’m pretty sure they came up with, you know, a vaccine.”

“No, I don’t know.  What is a ‘vaccine’?” he demanded.

This time Kevin had an explanation.  “It’s like when you give someone a tiny bit of a disease, with a shot or something.  Not enough to make them sick, but it gives them immunity when they come in contact with the disease for real.”

“What do you mean, ‘immunity’?”

“You know, when you don’t get a disease, because your body has built up a resistance to the germs.”

The professor shook his head, still not getting it.  “And what are ‘germs’?” he asked.

Kevin looked at me like, Can you believe this?  “They’re tiny, um, organisms that can make you sick,” he said.  “Different kinds of germs give you different illnesses.  They’re really small–you can only see them with a powerful microscope.  Do you have microscopes in this world?”

Professor Palmer continued to stare at Kevin.  Then I noticed that his dark eyes were filled with tears.  “So many people have died of smallpox,” he said.  “And you tell me they could have been saved?”

“We’ve cured a lot of diseases,” Kevin said.

“What about . . . drikana?”

Kevin looked at me.  I shook my head.  The name was kind of familiar, but I couldn’t place it.  “Never heard of it,” I said.

“Me neither.”

“No matter, I suppose,” the professor said softly.  “No matter.”

But that conversation did matter.  It seemed to change the way Professor Palmer acted toward us.  He never really said that he believed us instead of Occam’s razor or whatever, but it was just more or less assumed.  It was more than that, though–before, it had been like what we were telling him was just a puzzle he was trying to figure out.  Now, it was different.  Now, it was sort of personal.  We weren’t going to bring his wife and son back, but maybe we really could help.

#

After supper we all sat in the parlor and talked more about his world.  Professor Palmer was eager to give us his opinions about it.  He seemed a little lonely, with the college closed and the town deserted and nobody to lecture to, and we were the best audience he was going to get.

“This war need never have happened,” he said, “except that those purblind fools in Boston were certain it wouldn’t happen.  They assumed the Canadians and Portuguese hated each other more than they hated us, and would never be able to unite against us no matter how much we provoked them.  Perhaps fifty years ago that was true.  But times have changed.  They realized that they needn’t be friends to be allies, and we were in no position to defend ourselves on two fronts.  So they attacked, and we have been fighting for our lives ever since.”

I remembered the newspaper we’d read and the soldiers’ talk.  “Why hasn’t England helped?” I asked.

“Because we asked too late.  And because England has more than enough problems of its own fighting the Franco-Prussian alliance.  And there continue to be those who never wanted us to become independent of England, and would be happy to see us fail.”

“Sir,” Kevin said, “would you mind–we still don’t understand what’s going on here.  We know about Canada, but what happened to America–you know, what we call this place?  And in our world, the Spanish came here first from Europe.  Portugal didn’t have a whole lot to do with the New World, that I remember.  We think something must have changed way back in your history, to make things end up so different.”

The professor nodded.  “All right.  The theory makes sense.  Let’s see if we can find out.”

It didn’t take that long.  You wouldn’t have to have paid much attention in history class to figure out what the difference was, once you started looking for it.

In this world, Christopher Columbus didn’t discover America.  Professor Palmer had never heard of the guy.

What we learned in school was that the Portuguese, under Prince Henry the Navigator, wanted to find a trade route to India, so they explored south along the coast of Africa, until they rounded the Cape of Good Hope and sailed north through the Indian Ocean.  They weren’t interested in sailing west across the Atlantic, maybe because they knew more about geography than Columbus and realized they’d have to travel a whole lot further than he thought to reach India.

So in our world Columbus went off and sold Spain on his idea, and that’s why Spain reached the New World first, why it became a huge empire, at least for a while, why Balboa discovered the Pacific and Cortez conquered Mexico and all that stuff.  And America got named almost by accident when a mapmaker decided a guy named Amerigo Vespucci deserved some credit for his explorations.

That was us.

In Professor Palmer’s world, the Portuguese did sail west and discover the New World.  It wasn’t even Columbus’s idea; he never entered the picture.  It was Portugal, not Spain, that got all the silver and gold.  It was Portugal that became the big empire, with Spain just another loser country in Europe.

France still explored and settled what would become Canada, and England colonized the eastern part of “America.”  But the British colonies never expanded the way they did in our world.  They stayed along the Atlantic coast, hemmed in by the Portuguese, the Canadians, and the Indians.  And that’s the way it stayed.

Professor Palmer showed us a map that night.  New England was a lot bigger than it was in our world–it looked like it included New York and Pennsylvania–but New Portugal was huge; it extended all the way from, like, Virginia, west to what’s Texas in our world, then south through Mexico and into South America.  Canada was big, too, stretching down into the Midwest.  On the map New England looked like this little stone stuck between two huge boulders.

How could it avoid getting crushed?

Well, things weren’t always quite as bad as they looked on the map.  New Portugal was too big, too spread out to be much of a nation.  It was more like a bunch of half-independent states, usually at war with each other.  And Canada had mostly been friendly with New England and an enemy of New Portugal.

But right now England was busy fighting a war against France and Prussia (which was sort of like our Germany), so it couldn’t do much to help with the defense of its former colony.  Canada and New Portugal saw this as an opportunity to carve up the little nation between them.  New England had been trying to extend its borders by skirmishing with both countries, and that gave them the reason they needed to invade.

It all seemed so strange, so different, as we talked about it.  There had been no American Revolution, no Civil War.  New England had stayed part of the British Empire until 1925.  Slavery ended there when it ended in the rest of the Empire, in the 1830’s, although it still existed on a small scale in some areas of New Portugal.  The whole western part of the continent remained largely unexplored and was inhabited mostly by Indians (who were called by their tribal names, because no one ever thought they came from India).

Some people were just as famous in this world as they were in ours–Beethoven, for example.  But many either hadn’t existed or, if they did, never became well-known.  Shakespeare had died young and was remembered for just a couple of poems.  Mozart, Van Gogh, Mark Twain–who were they?  Professor Palmer had never heard of them, and lots of others we mentioned.

And where were all the inventions, the medicines, the discoveries?  Why was this world, like, two hundred years behind ours?

The answer became obvious to Professor Palmer as we talked.  “You told me this afternoon that you had never heard of drikana,” he said.  “That may explain a great deal.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“A horrible disease–worse even than smallpox or consumption.  A person afflicted with drikana has uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea.  It is as if everything in his body is trying to escape as quickly as possible.  Most people die within two days of the disease’s onset.  It is also highly contagious.  If it shows up in a city, it will kill a third of the inhabitants in a month.”

Kevin and I looked at each other.  I remembered where I’d heard the word before.  “A soldier asked us about drikana when we were coming into Boston,” I recalled.

Professor Palmer nodded.  “They need to be vigilant to keep the disease from entering.  An outbreak would be devastating, with the city so crowded with refugees.”

“Drikana sounds kind of like Ebola,” Kevin said.  “That’s a deadly virus from Africa.”

“And what is a ‘virus’?” the professor asked.

Kevin tried his best to explain.  “Kind of like germs, I think, only it’s harder to come up with medicines for a virus.  I think.”

“There is no cure for drikana,” the professor noted.  “Early settlers in the New World were the first to come down with it.  ‘Drikana’ was the name of a native tribe near the site of the first outbreak.  Unfortunately the survivors returned to Portugal and brought the disease with them.  It devastated Europe, and five hundred years later it still devastates us.  For a few years it seems to lie dormant, until people begin to hope that it is finally gone–but always there is a new outbreak, just as devastating as the last.

“Surely that accounts for the difference between our worlds,” he went on.  “How many geniuses has the disease claimed before they could make their discoveries?   How much time and effort have we spent in dealing with it that we could have spent in the search for knowledge?”  He looked pained again, as he had when talking about the death of his wife and son.  “And how many lives have we wasted fighting useless wars like this one?” he murmured.

“Well, it’s not like there are no wars in our world,” Kevin pointed out.  And we talked about the Civil War and the World Wars and Iraq, the concentration camps and the A-bomb and chemical weapons.  I don’t think it made the professor feel much better.

“Knowledge doesn’t bring wisdom, certainly,” he said.  “No reason to assume otherwise.  More advanced weapons just allow you to kill each other more efficiently.  Still, a world without drikana, with smallpox cured . . .  I daresay most people would make the exchange.”

I know I would have.

“Well,” he said, “this is the world we have, and we must make the best of it.  Time for bed.  Tomorrow we will set to work again.”

We went up to our room, and for the first time in this world we had clean sheets and soft pillows.  The mattresses were lumpy and, of course, we still had to pee in a pot or go outside to what the professor called the “privy.”  But we weren’t complaining.

“Drikana,” Kevin whispered in the darkness, as if trying out the disease’s name.

“Drikana,” I repeated, lying on my bed and staring up at the ceiling.

“Some little germ somewhere, can’t even see it, and it wipes out half the world, sets progress back centuries.”

“Do you think we’ll get it?” I asked.

“Maybe the worst danger in this world isn’t the Portuguese or the Canadians,” he replied, not quite answering my question.

“Have you ever been in the hospital?”

“Just to the emergency room once,” he said, “when I broke my thumb.”

“I don’t even know if they have hospitals here.”

“If they do, doesn’t sound like they’d be much use.”

I fell silent, thinking about how safe I’d always felt at home.  My mom was crazy about safety, but even if she weren’t, there were doctors and ambulances and firemen and policemen around . . .  Bad things happened, sure, but they had never happened to me.   And it had never really occurred to me that they could happen to me, maybe just because Mom was always so worried.  With her protecting me, what could go wrong?

Drikana.

Kevin was silent.  I listened to my heart beating in the quiet room.  I have to rely on myself now, I thought.  I had to grow up.  There just wasn’t any choice.  No use feeling sorry for myself; no use thinking about the past and my home and family and what I could have done to not get into this mess.  No use hoping they’d find the portal and find this world and magically save me.  A germ or a virus or whatever could kill me tomorrow, but I couldn’t worry about that.  I could only do my best, and try to stay alive.

The New Yorker tells us why novels have bad endings (plus, the best ending ever!)

The last time we checked in on The New Yorker, someone was pontificating on why genre fiction by definition can’t be high art. Now someone else tells us why novels tend to have bad endings.

Let’s get the obvious out of the way and state that this basic premise is idiotic.  Some novels have great endings; some novels have lousy endings.  There is nothing inherent in the art form that makes it hard for Mark Twain, for example, to come up with a good ending for Huckleberry Finn (one of the article’s prime examples). Her basic explanation for this purported phenomenon has something to do with entropy and makes absolutely no sense to me.  But instead of analyzing it, let me offer my own theory of why some endings are better than others.

Writers don’t start with entire plots; they start with ideas or images from which the plot emerges (usually with a lot of hard work).  Sometimes the image has to do with the ending; sometimes it doesn’t.  And the image tends to be what’s most vital, most deeply imagined, about the novel.  I don’t know anything about the genesis of Huckleberry Finn, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it started with Twain imagining a white boy and a black man floating down the Mississippi on a raft.  This is worth a novel!  But then you have to get them onto the raft, and you have to explain what happens to them afterwards, and none of that other stuff is quite as interesting.  The image is the art; everything else is craft.

OK, enough of that.  Thinking about endings made me want to re-read the best ending ever, which is the final few paragraphs of James Joyce’s The Dead.  I can imagine Joyce constructing a story just to lead up to this moment, with Gabriel staring out the window at the snow, thinking of his wife’s lost lover.  It’s an ending that makes your soul swoon softly, as it should in the presence of great art.

The air of the room chilled his shoulders. He stretched himself cautiously along under the sheets and lay down beside his wife. One by one they were all becoming shades. Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age. He thought of how she who lay beside him had locked in her heart for so many years that image of her lover’s eyes when he had told her that he did not wish to live.

Generous tears filled Gabriel’s eyes. He had never felt like that himself towards any woman but he knew that such a feeling must be love. The tears gathered more thickly in his eyes and in the partial darkness he imagined he saw the form of a young man standing under a dripping tree. Other forms were near. His soul had approached that region where dwell the vast hosts of the dead. He was conscious of, but could not apprehend, their wayward and flickering existence. His own identity was fading out into a grey impalpable world: the solid world itself which these dead had one time reared and lived in was dissolving and dwindling.

A few light taps upon the pane made him turn to the window. It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Michael Furey lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.

Bad sex: Carnal pink palpitations are a winner!

The 2012 Bad Sex in Fiction Award has been awarded to Nancy Huston for her novel Infrared. The Guardian is all over this award.  Here is an excerpt from the award-winning novel, featuring “the quivering sensation, the carnal pink palpitation that detaches you from all colour and all flesh…”  And here is an article on the award process and the other nominees.  J. K. Rowling didn’t win it for The Casual Vacancy, apparently, because her writing wasn’t nearly bad enough.

I haven’t read Huston’s novel, or Rowling’s, or any of the other nominees this year.  But I did read 1Q84, which was a nominee last year, and it certainly had one very weird sex scene.  These sentences from it don’t really do it justice, but you’d have to read the entire book to understand the true weirdness of what is going on:

A freshly made ear and a freshly made vagina look very much alike, Tengo thought. Both appeared to be turned outward, trying to listen closely to something – something like a distant bell.

I have written a bunch of sex scenes, and they are really hard to do well.  At the physical level, sex is straightforward and not particularly interesting to describe.  At the emotional level, you want to amp things up, because the emotions are typically what’s important to the story.  But amping it up leaves you open to carnal pink palpitations.  So you have to find a balance between that sort of prose and cutting to curtains blowing in an open window, or a train entering a tunnel.  Who said writing was easy?

A Brief FAQ on Dover Beach and The Distance Beacons

These are private eye novels that take place after a nuclear war of some sort.  Is this some kind of weird SF subgenre?

Beats me.  They weren’t based on anything I read, and I haven’t subsequently read anything else like them.  This is surely not the most commercial concept anyone has ever had, as the folks at Bantam let me know.

What possessed you to write them?

I became fond of the narrator, Walter Sands, and his narrative voice. He is not a very good private eye, but he wants to live his dream, in spite of the obvious obstacles to it.  And I liked his friends.

What’s the difference between the two novels?

Dover Beach introduces the post-nuclear world and Walter’s relationship to it.  The Distance Beacons focuses on one aspect of this world: what kind of government do people want or need, after the old government has apparently failed so miserably?

I liked Senator.  Will I like these novels?

I dunno.  They all have twisty plots.  They all take place, mostly, around Boston.  So there’s that.

I hated Senator.  Will I hate these novels?

Probably.

What are the details of the nuclear war that took place before the action of the novels?  It’s never described.

I dunno.  I don’t think it’s all that important.

Will we see more of Walter Sands and this world?

Yes.

Another bad review for Senator! (Also, reading a book on an iPhone)

At the risk of running counter to the purpose of this stupid blog, which is to persuade people to buy my stupid ebooks, I’d like to highlight a one-star review of Senator that just showed up on Amazon:

Too soon after the elections. Just one more book that proves that politicians are first grade liars, and will do anything to stay in power.

It’s easy to be snarky about a review like this. The obvious remedy for the reader’s problem with the book is to read it when she’s not sick of politics. It’s not the book’s fault that she read it right after the election!

On the other hand, this highlights something important about the fickleness of everyone’s judgments about books (and movies and music…).  We encounter them at a specific time and place, and our judgments about them are inevitably colored by those circumstances.  Sometimes you’re too young for a book; sometimes you’re too old.  The books I enjoyed before I had kids may not be the ones I’d enjoy after I had kids.  It’s impossible to be completely objective in your assessments of books, and an author shouldn’t blame a reader for not trying.

Based on a recommendation from one of my very fine readers, I recently read The Good Soldier by Ford Madox Ford, which is number 30 on the list of the greatest English https://i0.wp.com/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/13/The_Good_Soldier_First_Edition%2C_Ford_Madox_Ford.jpglanguage novels of the twentieth century.  (He changed the title of the novel, and also his last name.  Read Wikipedia to find out why.) Just for kicks, I read the book in the Kindle app on my new iPhone.  And I hated it!  But now I’m never likely to be able to fully disentangle my assessment of the novel from the modality by which I encountered it.  I thought that reading a book on an iPhone was pretty claustrophobic, with the small screen size giving you such a small view of the text.  And guess what — I found The Good Soldier to be claustrophobic as well, with the narrator’s obsessive telling and retelling of his story of the interactions among several decidedly unpleasant people.  So, what can I make of the novel?  Reading it was at best a two-star experience for me, but maybe reading a leather-bound critical edition of the book would have caused me to give it an extra star or two.  Maybe if I hadn’t read parts of it while waiting to get my hair cut, or during half-time of a Patriots game in which the secondary once again wasn’t getting the job done…

That’s why an author should be eternally grateful when he encounters readers who seem to understand and enjoy what he’s trying to do.  There are so many ways in which that can fail to happen.

Portal, an online novel: Chapter 9

Thanks to Kevin’s multi-function watch, he and Larry get to meet with General Aldridge, the head of the New England forces in Boston.  He and Lieutenant Carmody decide to send them off to Professor Palmer in Cambridge to see what he can learn from them.  They’re making progress!  But they’re no closer to making their way home . . .

The fabulous first eight chapters of the novel are up there under “Portal” in the menu.  What could be more convenient?

*******************

Chapter 9

Peter, Lieutenant Carmody’s driver, came for us the next morning, just as we were waking up.  He was a big man with long, bushy sideburns and a large mustache.  “The Lieutenant would like for you to come to his quarters,” he explained.  He talked slowly, as if he wasn’t sure we could understand him.

We followed him down a couple of floors and along a short corridor, until we reached a door with Lieutenant Carmody’s name on it.  Peter rapped on the door and opened it without waiting for an answer.  We all went in.

The lieutenant’s room was large, with a bed, a desk, and a comfortable-looking chair, in which he was sitting.  There was a rug on the floor and curtains on the window.  On the desk was a vase with a single flower in it.  The place looked pretty homey after where we’d slept the last two nights.

The lieutenant got up from the chair and greeted us.  Like yesterday, his uniform was crisp and clean.  He wrinkled his nose when he got a whiff of us.  “Peter, I believe we’ll have to get these lads washed,” he said.  “Then let’s have them put on their new clothes.”  He pointed to the bed, where a couple of outfits were laid out–dark pants, shapeless shirts, and clunky shoes.  They weren’t much to look at, but that was okay by me; it would be good not to have people staring at us anymore.  “Bring their clothes back here, Peter,” he went on.  “I’ll hold on to them.  Lads, I’ll meet you in the mess.”

“Yes, sir,” Peter said.  “Grab the clothes, lads, and follow me.”

We went downstairs and out a back door, into an enclosed area next to the stables.  Laundry hung on lines, and there were buckets filled with water sitting on wood stoves that were tended by an enormous woman with sweat pouring off her.  Next to the stoves were tables with towels and big blocks of yellow soap on them.  A few soldiers were standing at the tables and pouring water over themselves.

“Grab a bucket, lads, and go to it,” Peter said.  And to the woman he said,  “Bessy, we need to get these lads cleaned up.”  I was a little embarrassed about taking my clothes off in front of the woman, but there was nothing to be done about it.  Anyway, it felt good to wash.  “Hand those clothes over when you’re ready,” he ordered us.

We did as we were told.  Peter was intrigued by our boxers–it turned out that only rich people wore underwear here–but he was totally fascinated by the zippers on our pants.  We showed him how they worked, and he couldn’t stop zipping and unzipping.  “How the devil does it do that?” he asked.

It was something else we couldn’t exactly explain.

My new shirt didn’t fit very well.  The pants were itchy, especially with nothing on underneath them.  The shoes were incredibly heavy compared to my sneakers.  “You look terrible,” Kevin said.

“So do you.”

But at least we were reasonably clean.

Peter brought us to the mess, where Lieutenant Carmody had breakfast waiting for us–porridge and tea again, but also scrambled eggs, which tasted great.  The lieutenant nodded his approval at our outfits.  “You look like you’re just off the farm.  And you smell much better.  Now finish up.  We have to get you over to Cambridge.”

After we were done, he hurried us out to the courtyard, where Peter was waiting with the carriage.  The three of us got in, and we rattled off over the cobblestones.  The streets were filled with horses and carriages and big wagons and those strange-looking bicycles, not to mention a hog or two and some nasty dogs.  Lieutenant Carmody tapped his fingers impatiently as we made our way through the noise and the traffic.  “You’d think it was life as usual in the city,” he said.  “More refugees adding to the confusion, I suppose.  It’ll be midday before we get to Harvard.”

“We have Harvard in our world,” I said.  “My father went there.”

Lieutenant Carmody gave me a look, as if he still wasn’t ready to believe this stuff about parallel universes. “What does your father do?” he asked.

“He’s a computer programmer.”

“And what is that?”

“Well, he writes software programs that, um, make computers work.”

The lieutenant shook his head.  “Software?” he asked.  “Programs?”

I tried, but I couldn’t make sense of it for him; finally he waved me silent in frustration and turned away to stare out the window at the traffic.

Finally we reached a river.  I guessed it was the Charles River, which separates Boston from Cambridge, but it didn’t look anything like the Charles in our world, which always seemed pretty peaceful and calm when we drove by, with joggers and rollerbladers whizzing around its banks, and lots of little sailboats out on the water.  This version of the Charles didn’t have much in the way of banks, with trees and bushes up to its edge, and only a couple of rowboats making their way towards the other shore.  The bridge we crossed was small and rickety, and I got a little scared that if the horse became excited he could crash through the railing and send us all down into the water.  But we made it across okay, and then we were in Cambridge and traveling along the Massachusetts Road, the lieutenant informed us.

Cambridge wasn’t anything like our version either, of course.  We passed by the usual farms and small shops; when we reached the part where the college was, the houses got nicer, and some of the buildings were pretty impressive, but there was nothing like the craziness of Harvard Square, which my dad brought us to a couple of times.  In fact, the place looked pretty deserted, especially compared to Boston.

“That’s where I lived when I attended Harvard,” Lieutenant Carmody said, pointing to a large brick building.  It was exactly the sort of thing my dad said when he brought us to Harvard Square.  Big whoop, Cassie would reply, and she wouldn’t even look at his dorm.

“Where is everyone?” Kevin asked.

“The students are all in the army,” the lieutenant replied.  “And most of the townspeople have retreated across the river into Boston.  Cambridge will not be defensible if the Canadians choose to advance on it.  And they will advance before long.”

“Why is Professor Palmer still here?”

“Because he’s a contrary old sod,” the lieutenant muttered.  I didn’t exactly understand the words, but I got the idea.

We kept going, and eventually Peter pulled up in front of a big white house down a dirt lane.  We got out, and the lieutenant went over and knocked on the door, but there was no answer.  He shook his head and walked around back.  We followed him.

In front of a red barn a gray-haired man with a small beard was tossing apples into what I figured was a cider press.  My family went apple-picking every fall, and they’d had gizmos like it in the orchards.  We approached.  “Good morning, Professor,” the lieutenant called out.

The professor looked up.  “Ah, William,” he replied.  “Nice to see you.”  He didn’t seem at all surprised.  “Don’t you have a war to fight?”

“Ninety percent of war is preparation.”

“So you’re preparing?”

“You might say so.”

Professor Palmer glanced at us with little interest.  “And who are these fellows?” he asked.

Lieutenant Carmody introduced us.  The professor gave us a brief nod and offered us a cup of cider.  It was delicious.

“Don’t you have friends to stay with in Boston?” the lieutenant asked him.  “I can’t imagine you’d enjoy having the Canadians show up at your doorstep one morning to take you prisoner.”

“I have every confidence that President Gardner will find a way to make this entire unpleasant episode go away,” Professor Palmer replied, and I was pretty sure he was being sarcastic.  “He’s still talking to the British, isn’t he?”

“Yes, but there’s that little matter of the naval blockade to deal with.  The British ambassador can agree to whatever we want, but he still has to find a way to inform Parliament of the agreement.  And as to whether they would accept his recommendations . . . ”  The lieutenant shrugged.  “We don’t have as many friends in London as we used to.”

“William, I was having a very pleasant morning here, and now you’ve gone and ruined it,” the professor said.  “Are you telling me His Excellency doesn’t have a plan to extricate us from this disastrous situation he has allowed to develop?”

The lieutenant smiled.  “Like you, I have every confidence in His Excellency.”

“Pah.”  The professor spat on the ground.  “Now, there must be a reason for visiting me with these young men in tow.”

“Indeed.  We have something to show you, professor, and a story to tell.”

Lieutenant Carmody took out the watch and handed it to the professor, who studied it while we waited.  He didn’t touch any of the buttons at first, just turning the thing over in his hands.  Then Kevin showed him how to use it.  After that the professor sat down on a tree stump and started playing with it.  “Square roots,” he muttered.  “To eight decimal places.  Remarkable.”  He stood up finally.  “And what is the story you have to tell, William?” he asked.

“It’s a very strange one–if you choose to believe it.”  We all sat down, and he repeated what we had told him, the way he had to General Aldridge.

The professor scratched his head and stared at us as he listened.  “Do you remember your philosophy courses, William?” he asked when Carmody was finished.

The lieutenant smiled.  “How could I forget them?”

“Do you recall the discussion of Occam’s Razor?”

“The principle of parsimony,” he replied.  “The simplest explanation is generally the best.”

The professor nodded.  “Such a pity you chose soldiering instead of the groves of Academe, William.  You were one of our brightest students.  So, can we not apply Occam’s Razor here?  Why postulate an infinitude of universes and the like?  Can’t we explain the current situation by suggesting that two boys with active imaginations have somehow come upon a device from China–amazing though it is–and concocted a silly story to go with it?”

“We could,” the lieutenant agreed.  “Except that, if you’re right, they have concocted a better story than any I’ve ever heard.”

“And there’s zippers, begging your pardon, sir,” Peter said.  I had forgotten about Peter.  He was tending his horses by a water pump, close enough to overhear the conversation.  “On their trousers, sir.”  And he described that other miraculous invention, which apparently he couldn’t get out of his head.  “You don’t need buttons on your fly,” he explained.  “The thing just goes up and down, smooth as you like.”

The professor stared at us some more.

“Ask them about baseball,” the lieutenant urged.  “General Aldridge was much impressed with the little one’s discussion of a sport on his world.”

Professor Palmer raised an eyebrow.  “Solomon is not a fool like our president,” he said, “but he is also not a philosopher.  Well, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to catechize them.”

So he began asking us questions–not about baseball, thank goodness, but about everything else on our world–politics and history and science and religion and lots more.  For the first time we got to explain about America.  We talked about how it became the most powerful country in the world.  We talked about watching TV and playing video games and surfing the net.  We talked about men landing on the moon, which got the professor to raise his eyebrow again.  I described how I had touched a moon rock when my family visited the Air and Space Museum in Washington.  That seemed to astound him more than anything else we said.

Like the lieutenant, the professor pressed us for explanations that we just couldn’t give.  I mean, I have some vague idea of how a car works.  You put gas in the tank, you turn the key, you move the thing so it points to “D”, you step on the accelerator . . .  But to explain it so that it made sense to someone who has never heard of a car–I couldn’t do it.  Kevin was a little better, because he read so much and liked to do science experiments and stuff, but even he didn’t make a lot of sense when the professor really pushed him.

After a while I figured we were screwing up pretty badly, and I started to get depressed.  We’d been better off with Kevin explaining earned run averages to General Aldridge.  Finally the professor stopped his questions and poured everyone more cider.  Then he looked at Lieutenant Carmody.  “What do you want from me, William?” he asked softly.

“We’re at war, Professor,” the lieutenant replied.  “Our nation’s survival is in jeopardy.”

“You expect these boys to conjure weapons for you?”

“I want whatever they can give us.”

Professor Palmer looked away.  “Another world,” he murmured.  “A thousand wonders to explore.  And what do we seek?  Better ways of killing.”

The lieutenant gestured towards the professor’s house.  “Everything you have,” he said, “–your life itself–is being protected by a few thousand soldiers, with dwindling supplies and little hope of reinforcement.  We don’t have time to explore wonders; we need to survive.”

“They’re just boys,” the professor pointed out.  “Obviously they don’t understand–”

“And that’s why I’ve come to you,” the lieutenant interrupted.  “They know things but don’t understand them.  You don’t know, but you can understand.  Together, perhaps you can come up with something.”

“You’re asking for a miracle.”

“Well, why not?  If these boys are to be believed, their very presence here is a miracle.”

“How long do we have?” the professor asked.

The lieutenant shrugged.  “We assume the enemy will lay siege to the city before the final attack.  If so, we can hold out a couple of months.  By winter it will be hopeless.  But the president will likely surrender long before that.  And the terms will not be favorable.”

The professor shook his head sadly.  “How did it come to this?”

“That’s for others to work out,” the lieutenant replied.  “Soldiers simply fight the war they are given.”

“That’s why you should be more than a soldier, William.  But in the meantime, what is your plan?”

“The boys will stay here with you,” he said.  “We need to keep this secret, not least because of how the president might react if he found out.  While they’re here, you learn what you can from them.  Whatever might help us.  I’ll return to check on your progress.”

“And if there’s nothing?”

“Then there’s nothing.  You will have listened to some entertaining stories while you wait for the Canadians to arrive, and the rest of us will march resolutely towards our fate.”

The professor looked at Kevin and me, and I could tell he didn’t like the idea of having us move in with him.  “I’m an old man,” he started to say, “and–”

“Nonsense,” Lieutenant Carmody interrupted.  “This is the opportunity of a lifetime, and you know it.  You are the best person in New England for the task, and you know that as well.  Don’t lose the opportunity just because you’re set in your ways.”

“I suppose,” the professor said finally, as if he was agreeing to have his foot amputated or something.  “Very well.”

Lieutenant Carmody nodded in satisfaction and immediately stood up.  “Excellent.”  He turned to us.  “I trust you lads will do your best.  There is much at stake here.”

“Yes, sir,” we both replied.

“Good.”  He shook hands with Professor Palmer, then motioned to Peter to get the carriage ready.  In a couple of minutes they were clattering off down the lane, and we were alone with the professor.

It was very quiet.  Kevin and I stood by the cider press, waiting.

“Well, then,” the professor said.  “I suppose–I suppose you’re hungry.”

I wasn’t, actually, but we both nodded.

“So perhaps we should dine?”

“Okay,” I said.

“Pardon me?”

That word again.  “I mean sure.  Fine.”

“Well, then,” he murmured again, and he started off towards the house.

Kevin and I looked at each other.  “Weird,” Kevin whispered.  And we followed him inside.

Dover Beach and The Distance Beacons ebooks now available!

These two novels have arrived at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.  They’ll show up at other sites, like iBooks, shortly. Dover Beach is available for the minuscule price of $2.99, and The Distance Beacons for the only slightly less minuscule price of $3.99.

Here are the links for Dover Beach on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.  And here is the cover, designed by Jim McManus:

DOVER-BEACH-COVER1L

A description of Dover Beach, along with its first chapter, is here.  Previous posts that talk about Dover Beach are here and here.

Its sequel, The Distance Beacons, is also available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Here is its great Jim McManus cover:

DiSTANCE-BEACONS-COVER.final.L3

Learn more about The Distance Beacons here.

I’ll have more to say about these novels, now that I’ve finally managed to get their ebooks out the door.

Bad reviews: They don’t matter. Really they don’t. I’m sure they don’t.

One of my rules for writing, now cast in stone, is that you should get people to read your stuff.  But of course this applies before you have unleashed your creation upon the entire world.  After that, you don’t have much choice.  People will read your creation, or not.  They’ll like it, or they won’t.  And nowadays, they are happy to tell you what they think.

This is a new phenomenon.  I have received a couple of fan letters in my life, and there have been a number of reviews (almost all favorable), but mostly I haven’t heard anything from anyone about what I’ve written.  But now I’m up to 17 customer reviews of Senator on Amazon, there are several on iTunes, and there are probably some others lurking out there. My other books have also had a few reviews.  And, strangely, not every review is entirely positive.  I quoted from a really positive review of Senator a while back.  Now, in the interest of equal time, let’s take a look at a couple of two-star Kindle reviews (no one-star reviews yet!).  This one is titled “boring,” and the semicolon is there in the original:

I stopped after 50 pages, the book was too predictable. Nothing much new here. It was not esp;ecially well written or exciting.

And this person disliked the book so much he needed to tell the world in ALL CAPS:

THE BOOK IS VERY SLOW AND DOESN’T ACHIEVE THE STATUS OF THRILLER; IN OCCASIONS CHARACTERS DON’T HAVE A SPEC OF NOTION ABOUT THEIR INTERRELATION WITH THE OTHER CHARACTERS.

Of course, my initial reaction is to argue with these fine folks: my characters do too have a spec of notion about their interrrelation with the other characters.  That’s what the friggin’ book is all about, darn it to heck.

But that way madness lies.  It helps that far better novels than mine have gotten worse reviews than these.  But ultimately, great writers or not, we should all follow the advice of the immortal Rick Nelson: You can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself.

Portal, an online novel: Chapter 8

Kevin and Larry have put in a hard day’s work as they wait to see if anyone wants to talk to them about Kevin’s watch.  And, finally, someone does . . .

Catch up with the previous chapters by clicking on “Portal” up there on the menu, underneath the funny-looking header image.

***********************************

Chapter 8

The lieutenant gestured for us to sit.  Colonel Clarett outranked him, I guess, but the lieutenant sure looked more like an officer.  He was young and handsome, and his red jacket and black pants were spotless and unwrinkled, despite the heat.  The colonel’s office was a mess, with papers stacked everywhere and five or six long pipes lying in a jumble on his desk next to an oil lamp.  Like the rest of the barracks, the room stank of tobacco smoke.  The lieutenant stared at us for a few seconds, and he seemed to take in everything about us–what we were wearing, how we sat–everything.  Then he sat down, too.

“My name is Carmody,” he said.  “Lieutenant William Carmody.  And to whom have I the honor of speaking?”

We managed to tell him our names.

“Pleased to meet you.”  His accent was more cultured-sounding than the colonel’s or any of the other soldiers we had met.  It wasn’t quite British, but it was, well, different–sort of like those actors in old-time movies.  He pronounced “lieutenant” in the British way: “leftenant.”

He cleared a space on the desk–he didn’t look pleased to have to touch the colonel’s pipes–and then he took a blue cloth out of one of his pockets.  He unwrapped the cloth and took Kevin’s watch out of it.  He laid the watch carefully on the desk.  “And this remarkable device belongs to–?”

“It’s mine,” Kevin said.

“And you obtained it where?”

Kevin glanced at me.  “Well, that’s a long story,” he said.

Lieutenant Carmody shrugged.  “I’m in no hurry.”

Kevin and I hadn’t really talked about this.  Should we tell the truth about where we’d come from?  That was the whole point of Kevin’s plan.  But now that the time had come, it didn’t seem like that great an idea.  No one was going to believe us–least of all this guy, with his icy stare.

But what else could we do?

“We’re not from here,” I said.  “Not from . . . this world.”

“This world,” Lieutenant Carmody repeated, as if to make sure he had heard correctly.

I wasn’t going to be able to do it.  I looked back at Kevin.  This was his idea.  He didn’t look any more eager to tell the story than me, but he did.  “See, it’s like this,” he said.  “I know it’s going to sound crazy, but: There are lots of universes.  This is just one of them.  We come from a different universe–it’s kind of the same, but not exactly.  There’s a Boston in it, there’s a Canada, and so on, but there’s no United States of New England.  And our science is way more advanced than yours.  By accident we stepped into this, uh, this thing that brought us to your universe.  Like a portal, a gateway between universes.  This happened yesterday, in Glanbury–our version of Glanbury.  Anyway, now we’re stuck here because we can’t get back to Glanbury, because of the war and all.  So the watch–it was just something I was wearing when this happened.  In our world it’s no big deal, something even a kid would wear.  But here it seems pretty important, so we thought we’d, you know, show it to people.”

Kevin fell silent.  I thought he did a pretty good job, but Lieutenant Carmody hadn’t changed expression.  I couldn’t tell if he thought we were insane, or what.  He picked up what looked like a long pencil and made a few notes on an unlined, yellowish sheet of paper.  I could hear a clock ticking in the silence.  A bead of sweat fell down my face, but I didn’t wipe it away.

“What’s a ‘kid’?” he asked finally.

“It’s, you know, a child,” Kevin said.  “Someone who isn’t an adult.  That’s a word—you know, back home.”

“Your accent is rather strange.  That’s how you speak, wherever it is you come from?”

Kevin nodded.  “It’s the same language, just a little different.  Like everything else.”

He gestured at our clothes.  “And those strange garments–that’s what you wear . . . ?”

“We just happened to have these clothes on when we went through the portal,” Kevin said.  “It’s all an accident, see.  We don’t want to be here.  We just want to go home.”

There were tears in Kevin’s eyes now, but the lieutenant didn’t seem to be moved.  “Let’s try again,” he said.  “You found this thing or stole it.  The question is where, or from whom.”

“No, we didn’t,” I protested.  “What Kevin said is true.”

“You’re stowaways or cabin-boys on a ship that managed to run the blockade,” he said.  “Where is that ship now?  Where did it sail from?  China?”

“No, sir,” I repeated.  “I’ve never been on a ship in my life.”

“This so-called portal–it’s in Glanbury, you say?  Did anyone see you come out of it?”

“No–well, there were some Portuguese soldiers who started shooting at us.  A family picked us up on the road afterwards.”

“Their name?”

I tried to remember–they had given it to the guard at the city gate.  “Harper, I think.  Samuel and Martha Harper.”

He made another note.  “And are they in the Fens camp?”

I shook my head.  “They’re staying with his brother somewhere in the city.”

“And have you told this story to the Harpers or any of the soldiers here?”

“No.  We figured no one would believe us.”

“A reasonable assumption.  And a prudent course of action.  There are those willing to see the hand of the devil in everything, especially in these dark days.”  He fell silent again and stared at us some more.  Then he said, “Tell me more about this world you claim to live in.”

That perked Kevin up.  He started talking about cars and computers and airplanes and telephones, all the stuff we took for granted back home.  And he mentioned bombs and missiles and grenades, too.

The lieutenant didn’t interrupt, and his expression never changed.  He jotted down a few notes, especially when Kevin talked about weapons.  When Kevin ran out of steam, he spoke again.  “Do you know how to manufacture one of these?” he asked, pointing to the watch.

“Well, no, of course not,” Kevin said.  “We just buy them.  Big companies make them.”

“You’re only a kid,” the lieutenant said.

“Right.”

“What about the theory behind it?  Do you understand how it works?”

“Not exactly.  Maybe a little bit.”

“What about ‘telephones’ or those flying machines–what did you call them?”

“Airplanes.”

“Airplanes.  Can you explain how they work?”

“Not really,” Kevin admitted.

The lieutenant looked at me, and I shook my head.

“If we managed to return you to this ‘portal,'” he went on, “could you obtain more of these ciphering machines?  Or could you bring us back ‘rocket-propelled grenades’ or ‘submachine guns’ or the like?”

Kevin shook his head.  “No, I don’t think so.  I mean, we’re not even sure we can get back home through the portal.  If we do get back, I don’t know if we can return here.  The portal isn’t really part of our world–it’s not like airplanes and stuff.  We don’t know have any idea what it is or how it works–maybe it’s from some other universe.”

Lieutenant Carmody sat back in his chair suddenly and put his pencil down, as if we had tired him out.  He pressed his palms together and held them in front of his chin.  “What is it that you want me to do with you?” he asked quietly.

“Well, we figured we might be able to help,” Kevin said.  “You know, with the war.”

“How, exactly?”

“Maybe we know stuff you can use.”

“Enlighten me.  What ‘stuff’ do you know that can help us win the war?”

Kevin looked at me for help.  I didn’t know what to say.  “Stuff about science,” he said, kind of desperately.  “Stuff about the way the world works that you don’t understand yet.  I don’t know exactly what, but if we think about it, maybe we can come up with something, okay?  I mean, what have you got to lose?”

Lieutenant Carmody stared at him.  “What do you mean, ‘okay’?” he asked finally.

For some reason that was too much for Kevin.  He started to cry.

“‘All right,'” I whispered.  “It means, ‘all right.'”  I put my hand on Kevin’s shoulder.

The lieutenant lowered his hands to the desk and waited for Kevin to calm down.  Then he said, “Let’s go for a ride, shall we?”

We left Colonel Clarett’s office.  Outside the barracks was a fancy-looking carriage, the closed-in kind, with actual windows.  A soldier standing next to it saluted Lieutenant Carmody and opened the door for him.  “Back to headquarters, Peter,” the lieutenant said.

The three of us climbed inside, and Peter got up front to drive.  I wanted to ask what was going to happen next, but the lieutenant didn’t look like he wanted to talk.  Kevin still seemed pretty depressed.  He just stared out the window as we made our way through Cheapside, then back downtown, where we saw more traffic and beggars and men wearing round hats and capes.  We went along the waterfront, where I could make out the masts of ships in the harbor and along the docks.  Finally we stopped at a large gate, and the soldiers guarding it quickly opened it for us.  We went through it into a broad courtyard with big brick buildings on all sides.  We came to a stop in front of the building at the far end of the courtyard.

Peter opened the door for us again, while a kid our age came up and took the reins of the horses.  Lieutenant Carmody got out, and we followed him inside the building.  Soldiers standing guard at the entrance saluted as he walked past them.

Inside the building was a large hall with paintings of soldiers hung on the walls and a big flag in the center–blue, white, and red vertical stripes.  The flag of New England, I guessed.  We went quickly through the hall and along a corridor.  Finally the lieutenant stopped and knocked on a door.  “Carmody,” he called out in a loud voice.

“Come,” replied a voice from inside.

He opened the door, and we saw a large, dark room, with a high ceiling and big draperies covering the windows.  Like every room in this world, it stank of smoke.  A gray-haired soldier sat behind a big desk, chewing on an unlit cigar and looking at a map.  The lieutenant saluted, and the man gave a half-wave in return.  His uniform was unbuttoned, rumpled, and stained, but when he raised his eyes and stared at us I knew this guy wasn’t another Colonel Clarett; he was a general, and an important one.  I figured he was the head of the whole army, and it turned out I was right.

I thought Lieutenant Carmody had a cold stare, but the general’s gaze was even harder and colder; it seemed to suck the breath right out of me.  It made me want to run and hide.  Kevin and I stood on the other side of the desk from him and waited.

“These are the ones?” he asked Lieutenant Carmody.

“Yes, sir.”

“Strange clothing too, eh?  Let me see the thing again.”  The lieutenant went over, took out the watch, unwrapped it, and handed it to him.  The general squinted at it and punched in a few numbers.  “Fascinating.  But not much use to us, is it?”

“Might speed up artillery calculations.”

“That won’t win the war,” the general muttered.  “And what’s their story?  Where did they get the thing?”

The lieutenant took a long look at us.  “Sir, they claim to have, er, arrived here accidentally from another world, similar to ours but much more advanced.  On their world, this is simply an inexpensive timepiece that one of them happened to be wearing.”

He paused, and everyone was silent.  “Of course.  Yes,” the general said finally.  “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Lieutenant Carmody gave a few more details from Kevin’s story.  At the end the general rolled his eyes.  “And do you believe this tale, lieutenant?” he asked.

“Sir, I don’t know.  But as we discussed, this object is far beyond our ability to manufacture.  Or the ability of anyone else, for that matter, including the Chinese.”

“We knew that already, Lieutenant.  I sent you to form an opinion.  Are they telling the truth?”

For the first time Lieutenant Carmody looked uncomfortable.  “It seems absurd, but . . . I can come up with no other satisfactory explanation.  The accents, the clothes, the device . . .  And the story itself.  It’s a tale beyond the ability of mere boys to concoct.  In my opinion.”

“Hmmph,” the general muttered.  He returned his gaze to us.  “What does the ‘B’ on that strange hat of yours stand for?” he asked Kevin suddenly.

“For–for Boston,” Kevin replied.  He sounded as scared of the general as I felt.  “It’s a baseball cap.”

“And what is ‘baseball’?  Some sort of game?”

“Yes, sir.  It’s a sport.  Teams from different cities play it–Boston, New York . . .  It’s like cricket, I think.  Maybe you play cricket here?”

The general ignored Kevin’s question.  “Sit, both of you,” he ordered.  “Now, explain the rules of baseball.  Tell me everything you know about it.”

I was grateful to be able to sit down.  And Kevin looked really happy to be able to talk about baseball.  “Well,” he said.  “there are nine men on a side, and the field is set up with three bases and what you call home plate . . .”  He went over the rules, then he started in on how the major leagues were set up and the history of the game.  He explained how you figured out an earned run average and slugging percentage and stuff like that.  It was really boring if you ask me, but the general paid close attention.

“Enough,” he ordered finally.  “A strange game, indeed.  I think it’s time for a drink, Lieutenant,” he said.

The lieutenant went to a cabinet and got a bottle out of it.  He poured some dark brown liquid into a glass and handed it to the general, who gulped.  “Feel free, Lieutenant,” he said, gesturing at the bottle, but Carmody shook his head.

The general poured more liquor into the glass.  “Earned run average,” he muttered.

The rest of us waited.

“We are not mystics, Lieutenant,” he said.  “We are not philosophers.  We are soldiers.  We do not always need to understand; but we do need to act.”

“Yes, sir.”

“If we don’t win this war,” he went on, “President Gardner may survive as a puppet of the Canadians and the New Portuguese, at least until they can figure out how to carve the nation up.  You and I, Lieutenant, will most assuredly not survive.  Can these boys help us win this war?”

“I don’t know, sir.”

The general eyed him.  “Not the right answer,” he said.

“Sir, if we believe them, they’re too young to understand what they know about–airplanes, telephones, that sort of thing.  But such things wouldn’t help us in any case.  We don’t have the time or anything like the capability to reproduce them.  But I have a suggestion.”

“Yes?”

“Send them to Alexander Palmer.  Have him find out what they do understand, and whether we can take advantage of it.”

“Palmer?  He thinks we’re all idiots.”

“Just the president, sir.”

“Well, he thinks the war is a disaster.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean he wants to lose it.  Imagine if Harvard College were to be turned into the University of Southern Canada.”

The general poured himself another drink.  “Airplanes,” he muttered.  “Telephones.  Wouldn’t it be nice?  What do you imagine His Excellency would think of all this?”

“President Gardner would think it’s insane.  It would give him an excuse to fire you if he found out you were wasting time on it.”

The general nodded.  “Precisely.  Palmer’s still over in Cambridge?”

“I believe so.  Holding out till the last minute, I suppose.  Rather stubborn.”

“Bring them to him.  See if he’ll help.  But for God’s sake keep it secret.”

“Yes, sir.”

The general pointed his cigar at us.  “On-base percentage,” he said, as if he were accusing us of something.  Then he picked up the watch and handed it back to Lieutenant Carmody.

The lieutenant led us out of the room–which was a good thing, because I was about to hurl from the stench and the tension.  We walked quickly back out into the courtyard.  The night had gotten cooler, thank goodness.  “I’ll wager you lads are hungry,” he said.  “Let’s see what we can find to eat.”

He was sure right about us being hungry.  We followed him into another building across the courtyard, then through a door labeled “Officers’ Mess.”  He roused a private who was dozing in a chair in the corner of the room, and in a few minutes we were served roast beef, bread, and milk by candlelight.  The milk was pretty warm, but other than that the meal was fabulous.

“I believe General Aldridge likes you boys,” Lieutenant Carmody said as we ate.  You could’ve fooled me.  “I wasn’t at all sure how he’d react to your story.”

“Who’s Alexander Palmer?” Kevin asked.

“An old professor of mine from college.  Often rather ill-tempered, but the smartest man I know.  I think he’ll enjoy this challenge.”

“Are you going to take us to him now?” I asked.

“Rather late for that, I’m afraid.  Let’s find you some accommodations here for the night and pay him a visit tomorrow.”

The building we were in also turned out to be the officers’ quarters.  When we were finished eating, the lieutenant brought us to a tiny, hot room in the attic.  There was nothing in it but a couple of thin mattresses on the floor, an oil lamp on a rickety table, and a chamber pot in the corner.  “This is where our servants usually sleep,” he explained.  “Except now they’re now on active service in the army, and we have to fend for ourselves.  I’ll fetch you in the morning.”

“Thank you, sir,” I said.

He gave us a wave and left.

Kevin and I sat down on the mattresses.  “A good meal and a better place to sleep,” he said.  “Progress, huh?”

“Kevin, how are we going to help them win the war?”

He shook his head.  “I don’t know, Larry.  But we should be able to think of something.”

“What if we can’t?”

“I don’t know,” he repeated.  And then he said, “I’m sorry, Larry.  This is all my fault.”

That’s what I thought yesterday when we first ended up in this mess, but I remembered the way Kevin broke down earlier as Lieutenant Carmody gave him a hard time, and I changed my mind.  “No, it’s not,” I said.  “We both screwed up.  Anyway, we’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” he said.  “Funny how they don’t know that word.  Anyway, I sure hope you’re right.”  He stretched out on his mattress.  “Good night, Larry.”

“Good night, Kevin.”  I lay down on my mattress and closed my eyes.  My muscles ached from all the lifting I’d done.  It had been a long day.  At home, they were probably still searching for us.  Maybe they’d found the portal by now and were trying to figure it out.  How many worlds would they have to visit before they discovered this one?  How long would they keep looking?

Meanwhile, what was tomorrow going to bring for Kevin and me?

I fell asleep with my mind full of questions.